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Ugh, Ugh, triple-YUCK. What a horrible position to be in, Thaya
You need the job, you want the work, you want to do the work right -- and you aren't in a position of power to make things change. That just is awful. I am gathering that you work in a senior care facility, is that right? When my dad was very ill toward the end of his life, after he had one leg amputated (congestive heart failure and type II diabetes were what he had developed), I dealt with care facilities for him. It was a nightmare to try to get good care. I saw staff like the folks you are describing. And they all probably hate you for being a "rate-buster" that does the job right.I wish you could <secretly> get the families to complain specifically about the individuals who are poor care providers, and ..... to management to get the company to respond. Or report them to whatever the controlling oversight agencies are. Again sorry to not know, but could you for my benefit mention what kind of care facility it is that you work for? It's horribly dangerous to be a whistle-blower, but DANG sounds like your company needs it done!
Ugh, Ugh, triple-YUCK. What a horrible position to be in, Thaya
I wish you could <secretly> get the families to complain specifically about the individuals who are poor care providers, and ..... to management to get the company to respond. Or report them to whatever the controlling oversight agencies are. Again sorry to not know, but could you for my benefit mention what kind of care facility it is that you work for? It's horribly dangerous to be a whistle-blower, but DANG sounds like your company needs it done!
I work in a small group home for developmentally and physically impaired adults who range in age from 34 to 66 years old. Before this I worked in a small group home for the elderly for 11 years. That place was owned by a nurse and run the way it should be.
If I am never going to look at another shiny, pretty again I would have to stay off ECF and that is not going to happen. So, post away. I can drool from here. And share in the enjoyment of everyone else's quest.
No one and no post is going to influence me to buy something that I am not already pretty much decided on. If that was the case I would be in possession of at least one of everything, whether I know what to do with it or not.
Gosh, thank you too for sharing about this, Thaya. It is a diagnosis that carries a lot of stigma, and makes it tricky to talk about anywhere other than among good folks like these. My son is 35 yrs old, handsome (dead ringer for Prince William, blond, blue-eyed, 6'2", fit as a fiddle), charming, ridiculously high IQ, terrific social skills, highly educated, etc etc. And though his diagnosis came relatively late for typical schizophrenia onset (it was about 4 yrs ago so he was already 31), his is a tough case, doesn't fit into all the typical categories. The doctors call his case "negative schizophrenia" in that he does not experience things that aren't there, but his internal thought mechanisms are "off". He worked for IBM for 10 yrs and got great reviews until his his final year or so, when he started being unable to stick to a plan or a point, finish things, etc.
CHARMING, oh yes. Pain in the rear, oh yes. He is on his meds, but now that his insurance has run out, his meds cost over $1200 a month self-pay. He has no income, my mom and I are tapped out, and his father (from whom I've been divorced forever), is the only one with resources to help him. And his dad has helped, but no way can support him at that level financially, indefinitely.
I think that my son's problems have been coming on for many many years, maybe even since his teenage days. And he has always had the most intelligent, beautiful, competent, wonderful girlfriends in the world! That was almost a problem -- because they ran their own lives so well, and my son contributed great wit and charm, etc, just not a do-able life plan for himself, on his own.
Your SO is very fortunate to have you in his life, Thaya
I understand your hesitation to make a final commitment.Oh gosh, while we rant about health care conditions, don't get us started on mental health care availability and quality, right?
You have done quite amazingly with your set of challenges. Much better than I have. Outside of on here, I have pretty much withdrawn inside myself. This thread is my main outreach with the world at large.
So be proud that you are so strong. And switching from smoking to vaping during challenges is only another sign of your strength. You are already part of us. Come post and share whenever you feel like it.
So be proud that you are so strong. And switching from smoking to vaping during challenges is only another sign of your strength. You are already part of us. Come post and share whenever you feel like it.
I just want to say how much I love and appreciate this forum and everyone on it, even though I'm new around here. I don't get on every day, my life is pretty time-challenged right now, but when I do, and get to go through the catching-up process, it always makes me smile and lifts my spirits more than I can express. I had to laugh out loud, as an example of how active y'all are, at how WAY behind my post about fountain pens was by the time I saw it and replied. You folks have spun the earth a few times with your raw energy if I blink!
I don't know (yet) how to post music links on a forum, because I'm sort of a forum newb, so for now I just get to enjoy YOUR skills and listen to the awesome tunes you folks put up here. On almost every one of them, I want to post a separate message to say "WOW! YEAH! LOVE THAT!" So, just consider it done even though I'm too slow to keep up
I'm starting to figure out some of the life stories going on with each of you, and I'm grateful that this is a place where friends get to share with each other and hang out and be appreciated. It's really an honor to be allowed into each others' lives, and I am grateful for and respectful of that. I haven't gotten all the names associated yet, but I'll learn. Right now, I'm completely off the cigarettes and completely onto vaping, but it has only been 2 months about, so I like being here. It's comforting, because if I decide to have a cigarette sometime, I know I'm safe. It's weird. I've had some severely stressful family things going on lately, and the thought of having a cigarette has crossed my mind more than once ... but since I don't have any around the house, and since I'm broke, I just go on a chain-vape frenzy and get through it.
Since the folks that have been here awhile are already old buddies and pretty much know what's going on with each other, allow me to introduce myself just a little, hoping that I don't bore anyone or give TMI. But my history is what makes me feel so at home here, and so empathetic with some of what you folks talk about.
I'm 58 yrs old and living with and taking care of my 86-yr-old mother. It's a difficult relationship at times, but I'm her only child, she's triple-disabled (can't walk without assist, can barely hear, has severe neuropathy that has destroyed her vestibular system so she has no balance and easily falls, and has no sensation in her hands and feet), and here I am. She and my dad were separated for many decades, and when Dad got sick about 15 yrs ago I moved to California from Georgia to be with him and take care of him. I did that for about 7 yrs till he died, bless his heart.
Throughout, I had a pretty great career in criminal justice then ended up in IT, from the Dept of Justice to the federal courts. Was making really great money. Then came massive layoffs and job title terminations -- mostly from the highest-paying positions. Couldn't replace the money I had been making, but did do a management analyst job for a regional fire authority for a couple of years, making pretty good money. Then that ended, and by then I was taking care of Mom. Trying to replace my income again, I ended up being a certified personal fitness trainer, part-time. This was in southern California, where the job market is filled with young, strong recent graduates who are favorite hires, and my experience in my career field was getting rusty.
Meanwhile my two grown sons were both in North Carolina, which is where I went to college, and I already loved the south, so I thought what the heck am I doing sticking around in southern California, "Mom, let's gather up our stuff and MOVE!" So we did. I figured I could get a job in NC easier than in CA.
Oh .. backtrack, over the years, married and divorced more than once -- there are some hella stories there but another time - reasons why at one point I was a licensed private investigator and worked as a bodyguard for awhile. I had been in some baaaad situations, wanted to be able to help others in similar situations, so got the training to do it.
Anyway mom promptly fell and broke her hip shortly after we arrived in NC, needing more care. Meanwhile we were short of money and I needed to work but couldn't leave her home alone, and we had used all funds to make the move. Then my oldest son, who had been working for a major computer company here in NC, was diagnosed as a schizophrenic, went on long-term leave, had to be hospitalized. My younger son (2 yrs younger) is in the military, in special operations, is married, got badly injured, has a great wife who's an engineer, she got pregnant after much trouble, scares with the diagnostic tests, possible problems, turned out ok and my granddaughter is great! Another one on the way now, but my younger son is trying to depart from the military, with his injuries he can't do the spec ops job that he loves, and in the diagnostic process for his departure there have been more scary things, so that is a pending issue of possible badness.
Been in NC about 3 yrs now. After the first year dealing with mom's broken hip and diminished capabilities, I got a job as a pet-sitter, having met a guy that ran the company and helped me when my young Great Pyrenees (that I got as a puppy after getting here) went down with orthopedic disaster at 120 lbs. I was strong and fit, but I couldn't lift and transport him by myself. So I did that work hard and fast for a bit, and suddenly realized that my back was killing me. So I was able to change my work with them to doing international transports of family pets, instead of the physical work of home-to-home pet-sitting. Made more money, too.
Skip ahead, my back was getting worse, I had no health insurance. Wasn't able to work anymore (plus some problems with the owners and their way of doing things, nvm) Finally managed a self-pay diagnostic series with an orthopedic surgeon, and seems my lower back was trashed, and I needed surgery. No can do without insurance of some sort. Eventually was able to get Medicaid (and food stamps!). My poor mom's retirement income and good credit were stretched beyond all reason, so the food stamps help.
Skip ahead more, was able to get the back surgery done several months ago, great success. Am working on doing a job with another international pet-shipping company to get some darned income, and my schizophrenic son, for whom we were able to find a vocational rehab living situation, but his getting accepted there is delayed, and he has no money left, has lost his insurance, is about to be evicted from his apartment, so is living with us while all that stuff is pending.
Sorry for all the details, I'm pretty sure it's TMI and I hope it's not inappropriate. But the whole point is, I couldn't afford to smoke anymore, and of course smoking was the main vice I used to deal with stress through all this! 3 packs a day. Thus quitting, and vaping was the thing that allowed me to get this far, because the hand-to-mouth habit is the hard part for me. So far, so good!
Meanwhile, I thank you folks for being here!
Marla, as with all things, everyone is different even with the same diagnosis. My SO is a full-blown paranoid schizophrenic with auditory hallucinations. He is terrified of all people except me. That's why we have no life. We live in our bedroom and pretty much only go out when necessary. That's why I live on my computer when I'm not at work and stalk ECF. His only child (a son) has the same illness but not nearly as pronounced and without 'the voices'.
He was also a brilliant student who graduated 5th in a high school class of 1500. He could have been a doctor, lawyer or both if he hadn't been stricken with his illness just as he entered college. His doctor loves me because I'm able to keep him stable. When he says something ridiculous, which is very frequently, I sometimes respond with, "What? Are you crazy?" and he inevitably says, "Why, yes, I am."
It's definitely challenging at best.
Have you checked into getting your son on disability? It seems to me that getting disability for a mental illness is often easier than getting it for a physical one. Mine's been on it for a long time and also has Medicare, even though he's not of retirement age. You must find a way to be able to keep him on his meds. The biggest downfall of schizophrenics is not taking them. So many of them take their meds and become stable, so they think they don't need them anymore. They forget that they're only better because of taking the meds.
His only child (a son) has the same illness but not nearly as pronounced and without 'the voices'.He was also a brilliant student who graduated 5th in a high school class of 1500. He could have been a doctor, lawyer or both if he hadn't been stricken with his illness just as he entered college. His doctor loves me because I'm able to keep him stable. When he says something ridiculous, which is very frequently, I sometimes respond with, "What? Are you crazy?" and he inevitably says, "Why, yes, I am."
It's definitely challenging at best.Have you checked into getting your son on disability? It seems to me that getting disability for a mental illness is often easier than getting it for a physical one. Mine's been on it for a long time and also has Medicare, even though he's not of retirement age. You must find a way to be able to keep him on his meds. The biggest downfall of schizophrenics is not taking them. So many of them take their meds and become stable, so they think they don't need them anymore. They forget that they're only better because of taking the meds.
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So, today I only vaped tobaccos, everything else seemed off. It is good to know that you only have to change the flavor to change the experience. I still have a cough from my cold and I still cough a lot when I vape, will this ever change???? I had stopped coughing for a while before the cold, I hope that happens again.
I think that once your cough goes away you'll get back to normal and be able to vape without coughing. My son is a heavy smoker and taking even a small inhale of vape makes him cough up a lung. He vaped exclusively for 2 months before falling off the wagon a few months ago. It was only a short time before he could take a huge vape without coughing, but since he started smoking exclusively again, vape makes him cough. Crazy, huh?
I'm glad the tobaccos are hitting the spot for you.
Thaya I feel for your job situation. You are between a rock and a hard place. The owner somehow has decided to place their trust in a young incompetent manager. A lot of owners like to rule from afar and not be involved with day to day issues. Just throw as little money at it as possible to insure the bottom line. More homes are run like this than the ones that are run like your previous one run by the nurse.
No matter what you do it will affect you in some way. Wish I could offer up some answers. All I can say is that being right and honest is not enough to keep a job today in some instances. I would be careful of doing anything to jeopardize your job unless you see outright abuse that you can back up. You know your situation better than anyone else and you are an intelligent woman. Do what you need to protect yourself and come here and vent whenever you want or need.
We need a 'job fairy.'
No matter what you do it will affect you in some way. Wish I could offer up some answers. All I can say is that being right and honest is not enough to keep a job today in some instances. I would be careful of doing anything to jeopardize your job unless you see outright abuse that you can back up. You know your situation better than anyone else and you are an intelligent woman. Do what you need to protect yourself and come here and vent whenever you want or need.
We need a 'job fairy.'
Thanks, Shari. I try not to vent about it too often. If I say anything at work, nothing is done about it, and the other workers stop talking to me since they're all pals. The care falls far short of actual abuse, and being a reportable case of neglect is borderline. It's probably more that I'm used to a much higher standard of care than is provided here.
ok, so I live with my Roommate for 10 plus years, he not only has mental illness from his accident, but clearly was a bipolar or something prior to the accident. He has tremendous anger issues that would make most people shrink away, runaway, cover your head on the way out the door, cause there is something flying at your head that he threw at you. The screaming is the worst part, I had to tell my neighbor to ignore it and not to worry he wouldn't hurt me no matter what she hears him say. Other wise I am sure the police would be here all the time. That is mental illness.
Since, I cannot run any longer, it has become an issue, however, he pays all the bills, and he can be very kind, it is a mess to say the least. I have no other options at this time. so don't say leave, I am aware that it isn't good. I can't live in a shelter in my condition any better than here, I won't go to a nursing home yet, I would die there sooner. I will live on my own for as long as I can. No, I can't live in NY with my sister, she has her own family. I would not like it. I visited and that was enough.
No one can control his temper, he will never go for help, (he is a psychologist himself) He knows he is a bit nuts. apologizes when he is sane. If I win my case, I will think long and hard about leaving, I want to but, I do feel sorry for him and he did help me. I also will have very little to live on 2 incomes make for a better life. I might force him to seek help once I am settled, I will have the upper hand so to speak. He is definitely worse in the last year, it could be hardening of the arteries in the brain. If I could get him to see a doctor about it I am sure it could be fixed at least calmed down. He has insurance, he just won't go.
He also has paranoid moments, so those are the worse moments, he comes up with things that blow my mind, I have poisoned his food, caused his allergies, and conspired against him on a million occasions (I wish I was that smart) I deal with this everyday. No rest for the weary. Today, he is calm all day and yesterday as well. You can almost predict when it will come, he gets "fevers" that require cold compress and then Aleve but the "fever" is an indicator that he will go off. It could also be Alzheimer's, but I know of no history in his family. He is also not forgetful at all. I on the other hand forget everything.
I am just another soldier of war.
Since, I cannot run any longer, it has become an issue, however, he pays all the bills, and he can be very kind, it is a mess to say the least. I have no other options at this time. so don't say leave, I am aware that it isn't good. I can't live in a shelter in my condition any better than here, I won't go to a nursing home yet, I would die there sooner. I will live on my own for as long as I can. No, I can't live in NY with my sister, she has her own family. I would not like it. I visited and that was enough.
No one can control his temper, he will never go for help, (he is a psychologist himself) He knows he is a bit nuts. apologizes when he is sane. If I win my case, I will think long and hard about leaving, I want to but, I do feel sorry for him and he did help me. I also will have very little to live on 2 incomes make for a better life. I might force him to seek help once I am settled, I will have the upper hand so to speak. He is definitely worse in the last year, it could be hardening of the arteries in the brain. If I could get him to see a doctor about it I am sure it could be fixed at least calmed down. He has insurance, he just won't go.
He also has paranoid moments, so those are the worse moments, he comes up with things that blow my mind, I have poisoned his food, caused his allergies, and conspired against him on a million occasions (I wish I was that smart) I deal with this everyday. No rest for the weary. Today, he is calm all day and yesterday as well. You can almost predict when it will come, he gets "fevers" that require cold compress and then Aleve but the "fever" is an indicator that he will go off. It could also be Alzheimer's, but I know of no history in his family. He is also not forgetful at all. I on the other hand forget everything.
I am just another soldier of war.
I have a cold coming on. My throat is getting scratchy and vaping is starting to get painful. Will try changing flavors but just want the traveling sickness in my house to leave. Ill get sick then child then wifey then roommate then back to someone else.
I used to think like this. Telling myself, "I'm getting sick. I can feel a cold coming on." Then revisiting my experience of how colds played out for me.
Nowadays, whenever I get that onset feeling, I say, "I'm getting better. I'm feeling better." And it works. Perhaps not lightning fast, but reality (IMO) is you'll start saying that at some point, believing it to be the case, and then it'll come to fruition.
I used to get sick 3 to 4 times a year, on average. In last 5 years, I've experienced a cold once. Was about a year ago. And couldn't, even a little bit, vape during it. Smoking? Sure, very little problem inhaling and exhaling that. But vaping was off the table for a few days. Glad those days are behind me.
Oh, Karen. I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through. An uncontrollable temper is a horrible thing to have to live with. Paranoia is also bad because there's no way you can convince them that it's unreasonable. They believe it with every part of themselves. I hope you can convince him in a lucid time to see a doctor. There are many possible ways to help him with medication. It would make both your lives so much better. I so hope that you get you disability soon. It could make a lot of improvements in your living situation.
Luckily my guy isn't violent in any way. He's convinced everyone in the world hates him so he tries to be as sweet and kind as possible so they won't hurt him. I tell him it's not possible that everyone hates him because not everyone knows him, but that doesn't work. He's convinced that society blames him for everything short of WWI, and that's only because he wasn't born yet. 
He's horribly forgetful, which has it benefits at times, but is mostly a pain in the rear having to tell him nearly everything umpteen times.
It's amazing how people can live with such things and still maintain a sense of humor. Kudos to you, me, and everyone else who can manage it.
Luckily my guy isn't violent in any way. He's convinced everyone in the world hates him so he tries to be as sweet and kind as possible so they won't hurt him. I tell him it's not possible that everyone hates him because not everyone knows him, but that doesn't work.
He's convinced that society blames him for everything short of WWI, and that's only because he wasn't born yet. He's horribly forgetful, which has it benefits at times, but is mostly a pain in the rear having to tell him nearly everything umpteen times.It's amazing how people can live with such things and still maintain a sense of humor. Kudos to you, me, and everyone else who can manage it.
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