Breaking news. Shenzhen, China.
A team of the country's top engineers, programmers, and movie monster makers has been assembled to work on a top secret project to corner the American personal vaporizer market.
For too long Chinese manufacturers have seen their profit margins undermined by midwestern women who buy their product wholesale and sell it for a 10% markup, and ingenious hobbyists who manufacture tens of units called "mods" in their garages. They're fighting back in a big way, in an effort to bring the Benjamins back to Beijing.
After a six-month study of American pv buying behavior, the smartest people in China have observed that it's not the quality of the products or service that lose them sales, but the personalities of guerilla marketers on the interwebz.
In time for Christmas, a consortium of Chinese manufacturers will launch TGWTPSH. That Guy With The Pointy Straw Hat will be a life-like robotic reviewer that will take over youtube, facebook, twitter, and all manner of viral media outlets that Americans trust most. Using the most advanced silicone rubber technology, stolen from the Real Doll, dressed in accessories bought from Icedoutgear.com, and equipped with a dry wit bought for $17 on ebay, TGWTPSH will warm the hearts of American Vapers while hypnotizing them with specially engineered electronic music.
A Chinese executive who asked that his name be withheld is quoted as saying "First we take their pv mods and their DIY liquids, and then we will boil down their children and sell them back to them in dollar-store products." When asked why the crazy stuff about boiling children, the executive smiled maniacally and said, "Because we're really just that sinister."