Negative Reactions ... REALLY ?!?

[Nota Realtechnician]

OK, total forum newbie (not to forums in general, just THIS one...) so thanks for having me. I quit tobacco May 2nd 2013

That said, having read this thread front to back, I wish to offer condolences on the loss of MASchlabach23's in-laws common sense... Also condolences to all of you who have also had to deal with intolerant muldoons.

I have been the NOTORIOUS black sheep in my ex-wife's family for 25+ years. We were together over 20 years and share 5 kids together, so yeah I have to deal with them on occasion, still. Anyway, "they" were all "Professionals" (Architect, CPA, Office Manager, etc) while I was and still am a mechanic. I have absolutely no issues with any white collar, blue collar or grey collar workers. However, I was always the "unclean" one...to the point of her relatives asking which weekends I would be working so "they" could go out as a family. This went on even though I was good enough of a mechanic to pay to send 4 (so far) of my kids to post high school Engineering, Nursing, Accounting and Cosmetology schools...

I assure you, I bathe on a regular basis, I am college educated with 2 degrees, I am also highly sought after in my mechanical specialty. I am also pretty well respected by the management of The World Domination MotorCar Corporation for whom I toil endlessly...

Didn't matter... I was useful when needed and ignored when not. I was basically the family "Paper Towel"...I cleaned up their messes and was cast aside when they were finished with me. I figured then that it's "family" and you deal with it.

We got a divorce 10 years ago (unrelated to her family issues). I married again, a few years ago. My new wife (AKA The Princess) does not have a family like that. Her brothers are 1) a large grocery store chain manager and 2) a Naval Architect. And they love and respect me and the choices I make as long as I treat The Princess with love and respect. They also have WHOLE TRUCKLOADS of common sense. They think before speaking and they find the fact that I work with my hands as a priceless BONUS and not a reason to look down their nose at me. "vaping helped you quit cigarettes? EXCELLENT!!! Can you get Sis to do that so she quits, too??"

Yeah, they were ecstatic.

The "old" in-laws, however, snickered up their sleeves and made fun of the idea and said "You know, it's just a crutch for weak minded people with no self-control..."

So! The "new" in-laws receive really cool stuff for Christmas and Birthdays, now. Since, in my weak-minded mechanic way, I also make Wooden Pepper Mills, bottle stoppers, lamps, etc on my wood lathe. Then I give them away to people I love because even though I am "completely useless as a human being" (yeah, I was actually told that, lol) I find working with my hands AND my extremely weak head to be rewarding.

My Father told me years ago, "The only way people can look down their nose at you is if you are as small as they want you to believe you are... If you stand tall and and stand firm and KNOW you are doing the right thing...then THEY are the small ones and their words mean nothing in the great scheme of things."

Sorry to be so long winded. I hope this helps: "Opinions are like butts, everybody's got one and they all stink"

 

[Robino1]

I like this approach. Might have to give it a try.

They seem to talk right over any of the informational... information.



Unfortunately, this is too too true for this group.

The really sad thing is, back in 2010 my husband and his brother, myself and my sister-in-law all quit smoking within three months of each other when we found out both couples were expecting. Six weeks postpartum, two weeks into the colic, I fell off the wagon and my husband ending up following within the next month.

But we were open and honest about it, whereas my brother-in-law has been having a secret love affair with SNUS and his wife has been sneaking cigarettes whenever she's away from the family, a fact which she only "confessed" because she had to bum one off me at the time. And yet these two are among the loudest of the pooh-poohers. Well, at least she is.

I just don't get people.

The rest of them never smoked, so they just don't understand the nature of the beast.

Therein lies your answer as to part of the why. Jealousy. You are managing to do something they obviously cannot.

First, nobody told me that acne could be a withdrawal symptom. That one really, really sucked. But at least we seemed to have moved past it. I hope.

Second, now I'm worried about that three to four month mark you mention. Gonna have to do a bit of research there. Grr...

And I really like how you phrased that last part. Gonna be quoting you today. Hope you don't mind.

Sorry for taking a while to respond to your post, but I followed your links and was busy reading up on the facts. Really good information out there. Now if only I could respond in a calm, coherent manner when put under pressure. Do you think it would be too awkward to go in armed with cliff notes? Or maybe I should just scribble some of the key points on my hand like back in high school.



Much needed laugh. Thanks!

There is an app for smartphones called Tapatalk. You would be able to pull up these posts to read anytime you feel the need for support.

{MODERATED}





Hurry back and let us know how it went!




EDITED: took out most of the quote, I really don't want to give the quote any more time it doesn't deserve.

 

[Big Orange Country]

Very well said Nota. I spent 20 years in the military as an aircraft mechanic and although I'm retired now and on the management side of the house, I still get my hands dirty from time to time.

My family has been very supportive of my vaping, especially since they spent years (I smoked for 27 years) trying to get me to quit. My mom will even let my wife and I vape in her house and she wouldn't come within 50 feet of me when I was smoking and damn sure wouldn't let me smoke in the house when we came for a visit.

The next time I'm in Chattanooga, I'll be working on my brother.

As for the OP, you are kinda like my wife and she lets what other people say and think bother her. I've told her for years (married 14 years) that if people don't like you for you or don't like the way you do things or the things that you do, then simply tell them to get over it. Of course she seldom listens to that advice since she's a more tactful person than I am. I look at it this way, they will either get over it or they won't, but in the end, it's my life to live and not theirs. Besides, life is just to short to worry about what other people think and that includes friends and family.

 

[crxess]

Sorry to hear your issues. My whole family is very supportive. Maybe the fact I am turning 60 and they know how much my health has improved effects their reasoning.
I have a simple rule I apply to my Vaping and others opinions. We all have our own opinions and I'll listen once after that, DO NOT BOTHER ME. In return I will do the same for you.

 

[StormFinch]

You know, you don't have to be confrontational to put these people in their places, guile works just as well.

When you come back in from vaping and you know they're talking, smile. Smile like you know something they don't, because you do. Remember the old saying "smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to"? It's true.

If your sis in law is still closet smoking, offhandedly mention that since she started back you might have some leftover cigarettes she can have, even if you don't. Make sure to say it when she's standing with several other people. If she denies it then say you must have been confused and the one she bummed off of you before you quit must have been for someone else. You can also ask her what brand of snus your brother in law uses for bonus points.

If others smoke during these get togethers then don't bother vaping outside. Order something that smells decedent, like blueberry crumb cake or cinnamon buns, and vape proudly. Smile when someone comments on the scent.

I'm going to take a page from practically every professional advice giver's playbook (Dear Abby, Prudence) and say that your husband's family is his problem, not yours. If he wants you to attend gatherings with him then he needs to have a talk with his wayward relatives. You and his children should be his priority now. My hubby actually cut short one of his mother's visits and dropped her at a hotel because she was making me crazy while I was pregnant. Of course, he didn't like her any more than I did, so there was that.

 

[SonHouse]

Unfortunately, this is too too true for this group.

The really sad thing is, back in 2010 my husband and his brother, myself and my sister-in-law all quit smoking within three months of each other when we found out both couples were expecting. Six weeks postpartum, two weeks into the colic, I fell off the wagon and my husband ending up following within the next month.

But we were open and honest about it, whereas my brother-in-law has been having a secret love affair with SNUS and his wife has been sneaking cigarettes whenever she's away from the family, a fact which she only "confessed" because she had to bum one off me at the time. And yet these two are among the loudest of the pooh-poohers. Well, at least she is.

I just don't get people.

The rest of them never smoked, so they just don't understand the nature of the beast.

At last the other shoe drops, been waiting for this. Their quitting smoking is a big part of their self-image. That they "succeeded" where you and your husband failed matters greatly to their sense of self worth. So having you accomplish the same goal far more painlessly is an attack on them and cheapens the value of the accomplishment they have not achieved but claimed. Be warm and supportive and let it roll off your back. And, if that fails, I have a place to hide the bodies...

 

[coho72]

Not sure that there's really any advice to be had on this issue, but please don't let that stop you if you have any. I guess I'm just feeling the need to vent...

I successfully, and more importantly happily, switched over to vaping just over a month ago, and am getting incredibly discouraged by some of the negative reactions I'm getting from... Well, from family! I mean, of all people, really? REALLY ?!?

Please don't get me wrong, my husband is incredibly proud of me and my parents are being very supportive as well. But that's pretty much it. My biological sister, as well as pretty much all of my in-laws, are really pooh-poohing the transition. It's almost as if they would prefer I stick with the smoking. How insane is that?

So at family gatherings, such as the one in about five hours with the whole slew of in-laws, my anxiety starts rising. Let's face it, I am NOT a people person. As my anxiety crests, I feel the need to vape. I vape. I even step outside and out of sight to vape, only to return to their "commenting" on my new-found habit. We're talking... Very. Obvious. Disdain.

So now we're well past the crest and pretty much peaking at some point beyond pissy, and somewhere in my brain the thought process short circuits: "Well screw this, I might as well light up." But the thing is, I don't even want a cigarette! At this point, I'm just feeling the need to do something... Out of anger? In spite? I don't know, the whole thing makes no sense to me.

But what makes even less sense is the reaction I am getting from these people. I mean, do they not realize how much healthier this is than the 5,000+ chemical unknowns I have been inhaling for the past twenty years? Healthier for me. Healthier for them. Healthier for my husband, my children... My cats, for heaven's sake!

I know that I have lame-stream media to thank in part for their brand of thinking, but how can basic logic not apply? Not even a little bit?

And don't worry, I WILL NOT light up! I don't want to light up! (And it feels damn good to be able to say that, and mean it! ) I seriously have no idea what drives that particular neural misfire.

Thank you. I have vented. I wish I felt better.

Quitting that filthy habit IMO is one of the hardest things that any of us in our lives. Vaping has helped so many of us accomplish something that up until this was near impossible. It is not a weak will that makes it so friggin hard , it is hundreds of chemicals within cigarettes designed to keep you a customer for life (how ever long that would be?) Anyway , do not sell yourself short and be extremely proud of yourself! When you wake up in the morning and you can actually taste your breakfast and coffee your having or you can run up a flight of stairs without being winded and so so many other great benefits , you won't feel the need to listen to anyone that has something bad to say about your choice to vape. It has been my experience that people that try to make others feel bad about themselves usually aren't very happy with their own life and decisions they have made. Anyway be proud for doing something really hard and keep vaping! It's a great ride and if you need support , there is plenty of it right here on these forums. There are some really good people in the vaping community. Good luck!

 

[RosaJ]

It sounds like you need to set boundaries with your in-laws. Stand up for yourself and politely tell them that you have the support from the people who really count in your life which is your husband and your family and that's all you need. If they have the need to talk about you, to please do it while you're not present. I bet you a million dollars they do it already. You may want to warn your husband that you'll be standing up for yourself when in the company of his family (which he should be doing himself too).

Good luck to you.

 

[Talyon]

Quitting smoking was and is the single most bestest lol thing I have ever done, and never thought I'd be able to do. I'm so greatdul to Vapeing.

OP I'm not a people person either, that's why I fix machines for a living, it's illegal to fix people. That being said, your inlaws are the ones with a mental disorder, you have accomplished something that millions and millions only dream about and we all here at ECF are slowly but surely getting to them all.

You well rise above this no matter how discouraging it can get, your kinda between the proverbial rock etc...

As the old saying goes, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade..... or when life hands you a foul liquid, just add sweetness.

 

[Livaz1]

Why can't I create my own topic no more helpp????

 

[State Of Zen]

Why can't I create my own topic no more helpp????

Because after 70 posts, you can no longer create a thread in the Newbie area (you can still respond to threads though).

 

[Livaz1]

Because after 70 posts, you can no longer create a thread in the Newbie area (you can still respond to threads though).

Thanks man

 

[Robino1]

Thanks man

You can make new threads in other sections of the forum. Just not in the New Members section

 

[LadyPharaoh]

MAS, how did it go yesterday?

 

[EmilyMA]

First, nobody told me that acne could be a withdrawal symptom. That one really, really sucked.

Wow really? I had no idea you would get acne, does this happen to everyone? Or just some people? That does suck, but it's good to know now. Thanks ^^

 

[EmilyMA]

What boggles my mind is why even family would have something bad to say, about something you re doing good. I don't get it, I guess I never will. You are lucky, you have your husband to support you. I know having the rest be happy and support would feel so so much better, but maybe once the media shes some nice light about the whole e-cig topic, maybe they will begin to change their mind. I personally just steer clear of them. I know you can't help but be around them, as they are family. I all comes down to what you feel will make you happy, as you are the one living the life, not us. On one hand you want to say forget them, I am not going, but then on the other hand as you said, your hubby is family oriented and you need to go. It's a difficult place to be in, I am so sorry you have been put in that position, so very selfish of them to do that. You are in my prayers. Keep your chin up, and keep vaping!

Not sure that there's really any advice to be had on this issue, but please don't let that stop you if you have any. I guess I'm just feeling the need to vent...

I successfully, and more importantly happily, switched over to vaping just over a month ago, and am getting incredibly discouraged by some of the negative reactions I'm getting from... Well, from family! I mean, of all people, really? REALLY ?!?

Please don't get me wrong, my husband is incredibly proud of me and my parents are being very supportive as well. But that's pretty much it. My biological sister, as well as pretty much all of my in-laws, are really pooh-poohing the transition. It's almost as if they would prefer I stick with the smoking. How insane is that?

So at family gatherings, such as the one in about five hours with the whole slew of in-laws, my anxiety starts rising. Let's face it, I am NOT a people person. As my anxiety crests, I feel the need to vape. I vape. I even step outside and out of sight to vape, only to return to their "commenting" on my new-found habit. We're talking... Very. Obvious. Disdain.

So now we're well past the crest and pretty much peaking at some point beyond pissy, and somewhere in my brain the thought process short circuits: "Well screw this, I might as well light up." But the thing is, I don't even want a cigarette! At this point, I'm just feeling the need to do something... Out of anger? In spite? I don't know, the whole thing makes no sense to me.

But what makes even less sense is the reaction I am getting from these people. I mean, do they not realize how much healthier this is than the 5,000+ chemical unknowns I have been inhaling for the past twenty years? Healthier for me. Healthier for them. Healthier for my husband, my children... My cats, for heaven's sake!

I know that I have lame-stream media to thank in part for their brand of thinking, but how can basic logic not apply? Not even a little bit?

And don't worry, I WILL NOT light up! I don't want to light up! (And it feels damn good to be able to say that, and mean it! ) I seriously have no idea what drives that particular neural misfire.

Thank you. I have vented. I wish I felt better.

 

[gapenny]

My husband and BIL (both ex-smokers that quit cold turkey) say "you'll never quit smoking as long as you're sucking on that thing - you don't need that". My non-smoking grown daughter runs to the other side of room when I vape (in my house - I go outside at her house) because she's worried that the vapor could be harmful or that she could get addicted to nicotine. My son and daughter-in-law (both smokers) say "but you're still getting nicotine! What's the point?". My non-smoking sister is the only one who has said that she's proud of me and that she thinks it's much better than smoking -- she has never smoked, but our ex-smoker Mom died of lung cancer this year.

At first, I was kind of hurt by the way they act and their remarks but now I really don't care. I know that I am no longer a smoker and I feel so much better that I have to believe vaping is a good thing for me! When it comes down to it you are really doing this for yourself (and in your case for your babies) so who cares what they think? I don't even respond to their comments anymore!

 

[MASchlabach23]

First, I want to say thank you to EVERYONE for your love and support, your obvious concern, and all of the suggestions and advice Saturday morning. I cannot tell you how much it meant to me, but I can (and shortly will) tell you how much IT DID HELP!

Second, I want to apologize for not getting back online sooner. The family gathering ended up being an almost all day event, and by the time we got home and got the kiddos cleaned up and bedded down, that was pretty much it for me. Today has been busy, busy, busy, and I am just now getting some quality off-my-feet time. If the two-month-old stays asleep, I'll be composing a brief "how things went" for anyone interested. And I really need to look into that tappy-talk thing I saw suggested somewhere.

Third, I survived! With some grace and dignity, even!!!

And I most certainly could not have done half so well without all of you. So I want to take a moment to scroll back through the thread, in order to give credit where credit is due.

Again, love and thanks! Love and thanks!!!

 

[Kat9229]

I know how it feels...my mother in law is trying to convince me that this is way less healthy as she lights up. One of my husbands aunties has told me the vapor in my lungs is not good and can cause health issues and the worst one is everyone saying that i never used to smoke before when they don't even know the whole story.

Mind you i started to smoke when i was 14 and i quit at the age of 18 for my husband because he had to witness his mothers lungs collapsing from all the tar and she still smokes to this day and he doesn't want me to end up like that. I was not fully fond of quiting as it was my only means for stress relief was that and eating. I started to sneak them at work and whenever i could then i tried to quit again and moved to Hawaii where we first began in life. Then i went to school and would sneak them at school when summer came around i told him i need to find an alternative because i had gained 40 pounds in 3 months and was still gaining. So i turned to the e-cigarette. His family who was never around had the nerve to tell me i didn't smoke before and that i shouldn't start this as a habit.

Needless to say people don't understand and all you can do is just not give a damn...lol

 

[Cactus Breath]

A simple, benign reply when they question the safety aspect of vaping would be something like a nice little smile and saying "Do the research....I have", and leave it at that. I'm more outspoken and usually not very diplomatic when it comes to people being nasty and sticking their nose in my business, so my reply would be more along the lines of "I didn't ask for your opinion and really don't care what you think, so go pound sand."

It might be good to have a gentle talk with hubby about his family....I don't know if he's not seeing/hearing what's going on or is just too meek to stand up for you, but if my family started harping on my wife I'd immediately and firmly voice my disapproval of it and put a stop to it. If they persisted, I would quit attending the family gatherings and make sure every single one of them knew exactly why.