Negative Reactions ... REALLY ?!?

[MASchlabach23]

The “How Things Went” Portion of this Evening… Er, Early, Early Morning

WARNING: This is gonna be one long read!

Please understand, I am not naturally a “people person.” Gatherings of any size have always caused me anxiety, and when we first began trying for a baby back in 2010, I pretty much abandoned alcohol – my social lubrication, so to speak. After that, quietly stepping out to enjoy a ciggy and a chaos-free moment became that much more important…

Luckily, upon arriving Saturday around ten, I was already feeling rather zen, all things considered. Entirely due to the de-stressing this forum was able to provide earlier that morning! Thank you all so very, very much for that!!!

A little over an hour into the things, I noticed that my father-in-law had slipped in through the side gate. So I grabbed my husband and my toddler to join him in the backyard. He was hanging around outside because, though he has struggled long and hard since before the holidays to quit smoking himself, he has recently taken up these funky smelling mini-cigar things, and my sister-in-law has since directed more than one scathing comment his direction.

I love my father-in-law to death. He and I are so very much alike personality-wise, and it made me so sad – but at the same time so incredibly proud – when he decided to kick his own lifelong habit. Sad, because he was only doing it in order to see his grandkids more often, having been informed that his smoking was the reason they were never brought around. (Not my two, mind you. The other set of grandkids.) Proud, because he had been smoking for well over forty-five years.

Yeah, he fits into my husband’s family just about as well as I do.

Anyways… Greetings and hugs, husband and kiddo run off to play on the swing set, and I start happily vaping away. My father-in-law expresses interest and surprise, congratulates me on finding “my happy alternative,” as I like to call it, and within minutes several other people have wandered out to join us.

Let the games begin… And may the odds be ever in your favor.

 

[MASchlabach23]

Happily chatting away with my father-in-law and my hubby’s best friend, two or three people are by now directing politely puzzled looks in my direction. I figure the inevitable questioning is about to begin, but before I can turn to face the music, another “family friend” – and here I use the term friend very, very loosely – says in an unnecessarily loud voice, “Yeah, I bought into that whole trend a few months back. Not only was it a huge waste of money, but also a resounding failure.” He then whips out his little packet of Snus, pops one in his mouth, and gives me this look.

Well, hell.

Normally at this point, I would have sorta-not-really smiled and walked off without a word.

Two things stopped me. One, my father-in-law lightly rested his hand on the small of my back. Two, the last remaining black sheep of this family, another smoker himself, had at this point wandered out and was listening in.

Well, hell. Here goes.

 

[MASchlabach23]

I smiled at this “family friend” and offered him apology that vaping had not worked out so well for him, but that I was rather enjoying it. Eli – and yes, that is my husband – having finally noticed the storm abrew, grabs our son and rushes over to rescue me, but I just gave him this big smile. I wasn’t really feeling the smile, but I wanted to stand my own ground on this. If I didn’t, I figured it was never going to end. Ever.

The “family friend” then asserted that he had never heard of a single person making it for more than six months vaping, and that in the end everyone went back to smoking. I’m pretty sure he thought the conversation was over at this point, and he just stood there smirking at me.

I really, really do not get people.

I then informed him that I had found an online forum of vapers – it is vapers, right? as opposed to vapors? – some of whom have been happily tobacco free for several years. And as the technology has only been available stateside for a half-dozen years or so, I thought this a rather remarkable accomplishment.

He actually got rather pissy at me, I guess I wasn’t supposed to argue back. But then again, I normally don’t.

Well what about all the lawsuits, he asked. What lawsuits? I then asked him for more information, as I had not heard of any such thing, and I’ve been silently cruising the forum for about a month now. He went on to state that there were several lawsuits, because of the water vapor being introduced into the lungs, causing all sorts of mold or fungus to grow.

I shrugged, reiterating that I hadn’t heard of any lawsuits. But rather than letting it drop, he then advises me that I shouldn’t be doing anything so stupid, and that’s why he decided to drop the whole thing.

Well now I’m good and ....... Smug self-righteous b*st*rd.

I gave him a big smile, drew me a big ole vape, and said I was really, really sorry he felt that way. I said I would happily take my chances with vaping, which is being recommended by many in the healthcare community as a safer and much more preferable alternative to smoking. Another pause for a big ole vape. I said that I was a relatively intelligent person, that I knew I was ingesting something not necessarily meant for human ingestion, but that I would much rather take my chances with this – and here I held up and wiggled what I call “Mommy’s stick,” that being my Mini Davide/Spinner combo – rather than traditional cigerattes with their hundreds of carcinogens and thousands of toxins. Another pause for a big ole vape.

I then said – and I really cannot believe I did and/or said the following sequence of events, but I did – I then said, “I take it you’re right back to smoking.” He shrugged, taking out his Snus tin-thingy and giving it a mocking little wiggle back, and says that he’s got his back-up for when he’s around the kids.

At this point, my brother-in-law, who had popped out of the house to start the grill up, had finally gotten this “family friend’s” attention so that he could sneak himself one of those little packets of Snus. He was really, really trying to do all of this unnoticed by anyone.

So I pointed to them, my brother-in-law looking at me with this deer-in-the-headlights look, and advised them that what they were both doing was still consumption of a tobacco product. Okay, so I might have said that in a slightly louder voice than was entirely necessary. Oops… Silly me!

Finally, finally, finally he drops the whole antagonistic aggressive act and wanders off to the grill with his cohort. I turn around to find that we had actually gathered a few more listeners, and my father-in-law, who had stood by my side this entire time, gives me one of his quiet smiles which seems to say, “I’m proud of you.”

 

[MASchlabach23]

* Insert one very relieved sigh here. *

The third black sheep I had mentioned earlier, the current smoker, came over and started asking me all kinds of questions about vaping. Everything from equipment and cost to the more subjective stuff, like enjoyment and fulfillment factors. I happily answered all of his queries, referring him to Mid-Cities Vapor, which had really helped me out back in the beginning.

Eli – the hubby - joins us, pulling out his own little cigarette-looking set-up which he had inherited when I graduated to the eGo-style. He tells his father and uncle-in-law, the black sheep guy, how proud he is of me and how happy I’ve been these past few weeks, giving me one of his goofy grins and a one-armed hug. He talks about how much money we’re saving and jokes about the increased sex drive. What can I say… My husband means well, but he has no self-sensor functionality.

And when the two of us finally have a moment to ourselves, he says that I should go ahead and buy into that hundred dollar big battery mod set-up I’ve been looking into. I’ll admit it, inside I’m bouncing up and down, squealing like a little school girl.

(Side note: Seriously been debating between the Smoketech SID and the Vamo V3, since I’m getting ready to begin rebuilding the atomizer heads for tanks and such. But no, I think that’s gonna be a great six-month-mark reward, and instead went with what looks like the insanely user-friendly Innokin iTaste VV 3.0, while I’m still learning the ropes and all. Because I know, you’re all dying to know!)

So the rest of the day was relatively uneventful, or as uneventful as a gathering can be involving that many toddlers. Although I did accidentally – supposedly accidentally – overhear my mother-in-law commenting to her sister that I must be feeling rather “confrontational that day.” Which must be due to my having quit smoking, or so my sister-in-law chimed in.

Eye roll.

Hah! Me! Confrontational! In this group! What a hoot!!!

 

[MASchlabach23]

And when we finally, finally got to leave the chaos to head back home, there’s this couple – a husband and wife I had met once before – huddled together out front on the drive, shoulders hunched, furtively puffing away on their cigarettes. I’m so happy not to be right there with them!

Which reminds me, I really need to start carrying some of Mid-Cities Vapor’s business cards with me.

And I should probably look into this lawsuit thing the lovely b*st*rd mentioned.

Also need to look into that tappy-talk thing, maybe after I get some sleep.

And I’m definitely gonna begin reading up on some of the longer term withdrawal stuff, so I don’t become a six-month-mark casualty. Because now it’s a matter of personal pride. Because now I get to buy a pretty new shiny when I make it past!

Love y’all!

 

[Cactus Breath]

Good for you for standing your ground! Sounds like you did a good job of holding your own against a few misinformed (and outright snarky) idiots. Hopefully now they'll realize that you won't go down without a few choice words, and maybe they'll dedicate their efforts to solving their own problems before they try to solve yours (which might be another good suggestion to them).

 

[MASchlabach23]

Now, a few quick call-outs and then I’m going to roll over and catch some zzz’s!

First off, for their words of encouragement and support, minimizing the angst heading into the gathering and giving me the strength to stand my ground: @Ryedan, LadyPharaoh (Pretty sure a bit of what I did failed at the whole "not telling someone to *iss off" thing. Sorry!), ut1205, Mattnatti, AttyPops, ClaireW

These words were especially appreciated as the event was in progress but I was still able to check in via iPhone:
@AgentAnia – "I'm with you in spirit ... You've had tons of good advice and support, which I know you're putting to good use! You have to co-exist with family, but you don't have to let them influence how you feel about yourself or what decisions you make."
@Big Orange Country – "I look at it this way, they will either get over it or they won't, but in the end, it's [your] life to live and not theirs."
@EmilyMA – "You are in my prayers. Keep your chin up, and keep vaping!"

For assistance with the informational ammunition: @Ryedan, Zee2006 – "safer alternative to cigarettes" (Pretty sure I directly quoted you on this!), fabricator4 (You definitely got paraphrased, more than once over the course of the day!)

For the much-needed laugh: @Wuzznt Me, fabricator4, Baditude (You should know that your crab analogy provoked more than a few chuckles!), rhean, Nota Realtechnician, SonHouse, Talyon

For planting the seed that ended up blossoming into my little antagonistic outburst, that I still can’t believe that I did… But it felt so good! @retic1959, wbart, StormFinch (Especially the advice to just smile!)

For your insight into the unfathomable:
@SonHouse – "That they "succeeded" where you and your husband failed matters greatly to their sense of self worth. So having you accomplish the same goal far more painlessly is an attack on them and cheapens the value of the accomplishment they have not achieved but claimed."
@coho72 – "It has been my experience that people that try to make others feel bad about themselves usually aren't very happy with their own life and decisions they have made."

And finally for the lead on Tapatalk: @Robino1 – I’ve been continuously seeing it all over the forum, just had no idea what it meant.

I know this may seem a bit hokey – okay, it’s downright hokey – but you guys really, really, really did help me out. Everyone did, just some words hit home. And you should know that!

Goodnight!

 

[retic1959]

Praise the lord and pass the ammunition ! And here's some ammo for you , the pg in eliquid is a very powerful antiviral and antibacterial agent . Vapers tend to not get sick as often because of that . Way to go , we're proud of you !

 

[retic1959]

Getting even is fun , YEAH!

 

[retic1959]

P.S.
ECF offers free business cards to members , just have to pay shipping on them. I'm sorry I can't post a link to them and my edit feature isn't working right now hence the multiple posts, do a search for business cards and you will find them .

 

[razorz]

I was "welcomed" with the same sort of disposition when I started vaping.

People think I am sitting on my patio smoking pot. It's annoying... but ....em'!

 

[SonHouse]

Great outcome! And I'd guess you ran into the same thing with the family friend. You managed what he failed at. A well adjusted person would figure out where he went wrong and adapt. Someone who doesn't believe he can do it will instead blame the tool and attack those who succeed where he has failed. It's your success that had him on the attack. The best revenge is continuing to succeed!

 

[razorz]

I was "welcomed" with the same sort of disposition when I started vaping.

People think I am sitting on my patio smoking pot. It's annoying... but ....em'!

 

[AgentAnia]

I'm so proud of you, MAS!!!

Sounds like they're starting to realize you're not their punching bag any more! You did good; absolutely love the "big smile and take a vape in between demonlishing their holier-than-thou rationalizing"... And you have some really important allies on your side. Nice!

BTW, I'm confident that if there were lawsuits involved with vaping, we'd have heard about them, because the ANTZ would love nothing better and would shout the news to the rafters! And the "mold in lung" thing is without merit. It was mentioned here on the forum a while ago as a "my friend heard from her cousin's brother in law that his friend was told..." thing. My reaction to anyone who brought that up would be "that's medically impossible and just plain silly and I'm surprised anyone with an IQ greater than an eggplant would ever believe it..."

You go, girl!

 

[the_vape_nerd]

Not sure that there's really any advice to be had on this issue, but please don't let that stop you if you have any. I guess I'm just feeling the need to vent...

I successfully, and more importantly happily, switched over to vaping just over a month ago, and am getting incredibly discouraged by some of the negative reactions I'm getting from... Well, from family! I mean, of all people, really? REALLY ?!?

Please don't get me wrong, my husband is incredibly proud of me and my parents are being very supportive as well. But that's pretty much it. My biological sister, as well as pretty much all of my in-laws, are really pooh-poohing the transition. It's almost as if they would prefer I stick with the smoking. How insane is that?

So at family gatherings, such as the one in about five hours with the whole slew of in-laws, my anxiety starts rising. Let's face it, I am NOT a people person. As my anxiety crests, I feel the need to vape. I vape. I even step outside and out of sight to vape, only to return to their "commenting" on my new-found habit. We're talking... Very. Obvious. Disdain.

So now we're well past the crest and pretty much peaking at some point beyond pissy, and somewhere in my brain the thought process short circuits: "Well screw this, I might as well light up." But the thing is, I don't even want a cigarette! At this point, I'm just feeling the need to do something... Out of anger? In spite? I don't know, the whole thing makes no sense to me.

But what makes even less sense is the reaction I am getting from these people. I mean, do they not realize how much healthier this is than the 5,000+ chemical unknowns I have been inhaling for the past twenty years? Healthier for me. Healthier for them. Healthier for my husband, my children... My cats, for heaven's sake!

I know that I have lame-stream media to thank in part for their brand of thinking, but how can basic logic not apply? Not even a little bit?

And don't worry, I WILL NOT light up! I don't want to light up! (And it feels damn good to be able to say that, and mean it! ) I seriously have no idea what drives that particular neural misfire.

Thank you. I have vented. I wish I felt better.

You will find a lot of stories here like yours. I posted a similar one about 6 months ago. I've been doing this for 2.5 years. My health has improved so much that I was able to run 2 half marathons last year. That's 13.1 miles in a row without stopping. Not a single family member of mine can run 2 miles, much less 13, but somehow my health habits are questioned.

People will not understand it. It's just that simple. If asked, you can tell them about it, but it's still not going to matter. Eventually, I'd say within the next 5 years or so, vaping will become more mainstream. When this happens and we have more studies that confirm what we know already, this pressure MAY lighten up. Or people may still just be judgmental idiots.

Until then, I encourage you to cast disapproving stares at family members eating too much ice cream, bacon or burgers. Make ridiculous comments about the increased risk of heart disease. Also be sure to point out the many health dangers of sipping wine, beer, coffee, tea, or soda.

 

[Robino1]

* Insert one very relieved sigh here. *

The third black sheep I had mentioned earlier, the current smoker, came over and started asking me all kinds of questions about vaping. Everything from equipment and cost to the more subjective stuff, like enjoyment and fulfillment factors. I happily answered all of his queries, referring him to Mid-Cities Vapor, which had really helped me out back in the beginning.

Eli – the hubby - joins us, pulling out his own little cigarette-looking set-up which he had inherited when I graduated to the eGo-style. He tells his father and uncle-in-law, the black sheep guy, how proud he is of me and how happy I’ve been these past few weeks, giving me one of his goofy grins and a one-armed hug. He talks about how much money we’re saving and jokes about the increased sex drive. What can I say… My husband means well, but he has no self-sensor functionality.

And when the two of us finally have a moment to ourselves, he says that I should go ahead and buy into that hundred dollar big battery mod set-up I’ve been looking into. I’ll admit it, inside I’m bouncing up and down, squealing like a little school girl.

(Side note: Seriously been debating between the Smoketech SID and the Vamo V3, since I’m getting ready to begin rebuilding the atomizer heads for tanks and such. But no, I think that’s gonna be a great six-month-mark reward, and instead went with what looks like the insanely user-friendly Innokin iTaste VV 3.0, while I’m still learning the ropes and all. Because I know, you’re all dying to know!)

So the rest of the day was relatively uneventful, or as uneventful as a gathering can be involving that many toddlers. Although I did accidentally – supposedly accidentally – overhear my mother-in-law commenting to her sister that I must be feeling rather “confrontational that day.” Which must be due to my having quit smoking, or so my sister-in-law chimed in.

Eye roll.

Hah! Me! Confrontational! In this group! What a hoot!!!

I had to bold this! Repeat after me......SHE QUIT SMOKING. Whatever else they have to say, they KNOW one fact.......YOU QUIT SMOKING!

And when we finally, finally got to leave the chaos to head back home, there’s this couple – a husband and wife I had met once before – huddled together out front on the drive, shoulders hunched, furtively puffing away on their cigarettes. I’m so happy not to be right there with them!

Which reminds me, I really need to start carrying some of Mid-Cities Vapor’s business cards with me.

And I should probably look into this lawsuit thing the lovely b*st*rd mentioned.

Also need to look into that tappy-talk thing, maybe after I get some sleep.

And I’m definitely gonna begin reading up on some of the longer term withdrawal stuff, so I don’t become a six-month-mark casualty. Because now it’s a matter of personal pride. Because now I get to buy a pretty new shiny when I make it past!

Love y’all!

Tapatalk is available for Android or iPhone. I see reading further down you figured it out

Congratulations on standing your ground. It sounds like the MIL rules everything and so does her daughter. Especially if there are others who have to sneak around and hide things. I can only imagine what your poor FIL has to go through daily.

I was a lot like you, when I was younger. The more you stick up for yourself, the easier it becomes. You gradually find that the world does not end, people that love you don't run away and the best part? You finally are listened to and get respect. You've now planted the seed of standing up for yourself, don't let it become neglected and whither away. They will get used to the 'new' you.

you ROCK!

Edit to add: There are no lawsuits regarding e-cigs causing lung problems that I can find on the forum. If there had been, I'm sure, 100%, the news would have made it to ECF. We have quite the system here of eyes to the news of anything happening ecig related.

 

[doots]

congrats on stopping cigs! That is a major feat in itself.
If it were me, Id avoid these people like the plague.. lol
Keep vaping.. You dont have to feel bad you dont have their approval.. It isn't like you are doing it in front of them or in the room with them.
I would always be mindful and considerate not to vape where smoking isn't allowed. This is just common sense..

But tell them to GET OVER IT! Live for yourself!

 

[vernhall]

And don't worry, I WILL NOT light up! I don't want to light up! (And it feels damn good to be able to say that, and mean it! )

I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but all you can do is ignore their negativity -- the important part of the equation is that which I've quoted!! You 'don't want to light up'!! Family (and friends) will always, for whatever reason, be family and friends... Sometimes well-intentioned, sometimes not... The best thing to do is ignore them and know you've made the right decision regardless of what they make think about it...

 

[MASchlabach23]

Praise the lord and pass the ammunition ! And here's some ammo for you , the pg in eliquid is a very powerful antiviral and antibacterial agent . Vapers tend to not get sick as often because of that . Way to go , we're proud of you !

I remember reading this somewhere, about the antiviral/antibacterial properties. Gonna go ahead and load that bit into my mental arsenal.

A well adjusted person would figure out where he went wrong and adapt. ... It's your success that had him on the attack. The best revenge is continuing to succeed!

First, I would never accuse anyone in this particular group as being remotely well-adjusted! Second, I have every intention of succeeding. Finally, finally succeeding at kicking that filthy habit once and for all!!!

Congratulations on standing your ground. ... I was a lot like you, when I was younger. The more you stick up for yourself, the easier it becomes. You gradually find that the world does not end, people that love you don't run away and the best part? You finally are listened to and get respect. You've now planted the seed of standing up for yourself, don't let it become neglected and whither away. They will get used to the 'new' you.

Sadly, I lost all of my confidence the year following my marriage, which was how these people got to know me. Within that span of time, I lost my job, I had to sell my Fatboy - my pride and joy, talk about a confidence boost! - and I had an irreparable falling out with my two best friends. So I was pretty much a rug, one that this group quickly learned to enjoy beating.

Guess I'm gonna have to relearn them a few things... And the bolded part above, well I'll just take that as a compliment!

There are no lawsuits regarding e-cigs causing lung problems that I can find on the forum. If there had been, I'm sure, 100%, the news would have made it to ECF. We have quite the system here of eyes to the news of anything happening ecig related.

That's pretty much why his statement just about floored me. I thought for sure I would have come across at least mention of it somewhere. Luckily I held it together, and in the restless wee hours of the next morning I started wondering how this could be true, but yet saunas and steam therapy and all of that jazz didn't pose the same risk...

 

[MASchlabach23]

Until then, I encourage you to cast disapproving stares at family members eating too much ice cream, bacon or burgers. Make ridiculous comments about the increased risk of heart disease. Also be sure to point out the many health dangers of sipping wine, beer, coffee, tea, or soda.

Okay, but scowling at this group for over-eating or over-imbibing coffee or wine - especially wine! - I would be a walking scowl. Literally.

And nobody should ever, ever knock the bacon. Ever.