Been out of sorts and up to my eyeballs lately... A bit of good news, but unfortunately lots of stress... My (22 yr old) car should be ready for me to pick up tonight (fingers crossed). Needed to have that damned sensor replaced (or it would not pass inspection), an oil change, and a part replaced in the driver door (getting in/out from the passenger side was not fun). Will cost me $485, but at least I'll be mobile again, so I won't have to use my husband's car. Yay... Independence!
Speaking of... I really wish I could hog tie him and drag him to a psychiatrist, because he's needed meds for years. Bipolar disorder runs on his mom's side of the family (mom, grandmother, brother, nephew, cousin...) and he has been flipping out on me for every little thing, especially if he can't get his way. He wanted us to do Christmas this year, but my family decided to go elsewhere (we are invited, too), but he flipped out, blaming me for not asking early enough. The host is the son of my sister's best friend, who we included in all family functions, because she had no family of her own. She has since passed away, yet we still include him as family (he calls us Aunts & my mom, Grandma). He is getting married next month, so last year he told my family he wants to do Christmas every year going forward. We think it's because we always included them, so he wants to give back. My husband fails to understand that and blamed me. I explained to him that this was decided last year without our knowledge (we went over to his friend's house). His fiance's family will also be there, so there's no way I can expect him to change locations. My husband got in my face, screaming at the top of his lungs, in a very intimidating way, telling me to get out, and is now not speaking to me at all.
My son is doing absolutely horrible in school and has been having fits of anger to the point of destruction (mostly inanimate objects). I made an appointment for diagnosis for today, because I need to know if he is suffering from the same thing. I spoke to him about it last night and he is fine with it. I totally expected him to be angry, but he wasn't. He hates his father, because of the way he acts. I have to admit that I hate who he is right now, too, and wish he cared more about people instead of the Xbox. He insists that he's sane and everyone else is crazy. I will probably have to leave him at some point, because the stress is killing me. My son told me that he would want to come with me, if that happens. I dread the repercussions I'm certain will occur, so I will need to start preparing, if that moment comes. My son and I have an agreement that he will call 911, if he sees my husband hurt me.
Anyway, that's what I've been up to. No vape related stuff to gush on about. Sorry for the length, I just needed to get that out. Work has now totally changed for me, with 2 different managers to work for and an impending move to Midtown (which will significantly add to my commute), so I needed to vent a bit. Thankfully, my UC is still under control, despite the stress. Hope all of you are well!
I can feel your stress in every line of your post. I'm sorry you are dealing with this and from someone who is supposed to be your best friend. It's not right at all. I was raised in house very much like yours, mother and I cheered when he'd have to work the weekends. As a youngster, growing up in a house like that molds you in ways I never realized. Anxiety around others, self doubt, etc.. all comes into play. Leave him, that kind of behavior and the mental process behind it (blaming, placing guilt) does not simply go away.
I hope you are okay. Preparation is key at this point. Please be careful.
Thomas
(who is worried)
