Okay I'm off for a bit. Seriously I don't feel good at all. I better get moving but I'm feeling pretty messed up in the head. I may have to take some daytime Seroquel as the closer my workday approaches the worse I freaking FEEL.
I seriously.... Well, I guess I can take it a day at a time, but this is what I was crying at my doc, "How many changes can a bipolar ADHD perfectionist brain take, before it just BREAKS?"
Okay back later thanks to all you listening to my rambles.
God, there are times I hate myself so MUCH. I haven't recently but there are times I FREAKING WONDER what I could have accomplished if I wasn't Freaking NUTS!!!!!!!!!!! OMG I just HATE myself, but I have to do it anyway. I have done this before I can do it again but everything is so.... futile! God I mean my sister like works for a Federal Judge doing something so secret she like, can't tell anyone! She lives is SEATTLE and "all is well with her." I'm calming down grubby babies and their parents and feeling like I CAN'T COPE! Jesus, my IQ is SO MUCH higher than HERS (yep you can bet with my mommy we were all tested, and like, yeah, I'm smarter but well my sister has the ability to focus and REMAIN CALM!
Oh man I am starting to cry, maybe I will give her a call (my mom) if nothing else she can say a prayer for me.
Anyone who thinks high functioning mental illness is easy can bite me. Okay, I'm gonna go cry to my mom and she can help me feel better, because I feel like I have failed already! I know I'm going to and every fiber in my being wants to just GIVE UP NOW.
Bah. Shut up brain. call mom. okay.
Anna
I seriously.... Well, I guess I can take it a day at a time, but this is what I was crying at my doc, "How many changes can a bipolar ADHD perfectionist brain take, before it just BREAKS?"
Okay back later thanks to all you listening to my rambles.
God, there are times I hate myself so MUCH. I haven't recently but there are times I FREAKING WONDER what I could have accomplished if I wasn't Freaking NUTS!!!!!!!!!!! OMG I just HATE myself, but I have to do it anyway. I have done this before I can do it again but everything is so.... futile! God I mean my sister like works for a Federal Judge doing something so secret she like, can't tell anyone! She lives is SEATTLE and "all is well with her." I'm calming down grubby babies and their parents and feeling like I CAN'T COPE! Jesus, my IQ is SO MUCH higher than HERS (yep you can bet with my mommy we were all tested, and like, yeah, I'm smarter but well my sister has the ability to focus and REMAIN CALM!
Oh man I am starting to cry, maybe I will give her a call (my mom) if nothing else she can say a prayer for me.
Anyone who thinks high functioning mental illness is easy can bite me. Okay, I'm gonna go cry to my mom and she can help me feel better, because I feel like I have failed already! I know I'm going to and every fiber in my being wants to just GIVE UP NOW.
Bah. Shut up brain. call mom. okay.
Anna
I'm glad you have a good neighbor.
You can do this. Don't ever give up.
The reality is you are pretty [censored] amazing. I hope that dumb smart brain of yours shuts up for a minute so you can have some peace.
Banana Cream-TFA, Bavarian Cream-FW, Biscuit Concentrate-INW, Biscuit-CSL, Blackberry-SC, Blackcurrant-FA, Blueberry (Extra)-TFA, Breakfast Cereal-FA, Cafe Coffee-FW, Cafe Latte-VT, Cappuccino-FA, Cereal 27-Cap, Cheesecake (Graham Crust)-TFA, Cookie-FA, Cookies & Cream-VT, Cowboy Blend-FA, DX Frosted Donut-TFA, French Vanilla-Cap, Harvest Berry-Cap, Juicy Peach-TFA, RY4-FA.
We just took a two hour drive to get out of the house. Went to several nook and cranny neighborhoods just to look around. Stopped by my parents to show them my son’s hair, at a proper social distance, outside. He took a #2 guard on his hair clippers and went to town all over his head. Looks great though. Felt so good to get out of here and enjoy the sunshine. Grocery store was not crowded by looking at the parking lot. I’m hopeful things will restock. America is a great place. 
I had to do a quick search to see what CSL stood for. You’d think I would remember since I have some of that line.
You should be able to make a mix or two with that
Whelp, extra mom, @FranC , my mom and yours said the same thing, pretty much. She also told me she JUST gave my little sister a loan so she could pay her rent this month. She is all Sufi so she puts it in Sufi terms (which I understand cuz like, I was a dilettante for a while) but basically to stop listening to Satan (and I can live without Hillary in my head, yeah, she SUCKS) and she would do a healing on me.
So, I GAVE my brain a rest while cleaning up my vape area which trust me, needed it quite badly. But it's all clean and organized in here, and I'm too tired to do yoga but that's okay I can do it tomorrow.
She also said while she could not classify my sister's employment as holy or unholy I was doing "holy work" and there were not so many people who like, are willing to do it at the moment.
So then I scrubbed and scrubbed and it's always extra therapeutic because it reminds me of housecleaning with the baby kiddo with me, where my only worries were "How can I clean this more efficiently" because I Do That.
I also decided if my back hurts sometimes I can still do yoga because it's my MAJOR coping skill even if it means I take a couple of Advil because BAH, it hurts after all that cleaning. I'm not taking 4 tablets every four hours for days, and if I get symptomatic I will switch to Tylenol but it's not like I even NEED it every day, plus, if my one concession toward rushing to death is like well, taking some Advil so I can do yoga in preparation for my hellish day it's probably better than thinking about driving my car into... it's hard to find things in Douglas but there is that fabulous canyon in Bisbee, AZ, I can always travel there. So instead of doing that I will be risqué with the Advil or whatnot.
Screw it. I am stressed out enough. My mom said she would never let me end up in a tent next to our Tucson Shell of Home and I believe her (based on her scared investment email when she was sick, she's better.) Also, the husband listened to me rant and said, "I both we are not normal. We SAY what we THINK. But frankly, I bet everyone is feeling this way. I mean LAYING YOU off one day a week on Saturday and then threatening furloughs on SUNDAY if performance is not met? You don't even get a weekend away from this crap?"
I thought about it more. Because my main thing was, "This is all my fault." That is how social workers tend to think if they aren't thinking "This is SOCIETY's fault." So yeah, I guess I need to not Think and Carry On. My brain's my biggest asset and my greatest liability. So I feel a bunch better but thank you ALL for your niceness.
I will keep moving until they make me stop, I guess. It's not AS bad when you are there because you are distracted, IF that makes any sense. The horror of the constant change is so great.... I hope I don't let it ruin my weekends any more.
I bet you ANYTHING the adult team got the same damn email. Yeah, parents are scared for their kids, but like, I bet the adults don't wish to enter EITHER..
I cleaned up and organized everything, including my mixes.
The husband just asked me if I was gonna pull out the couch. My answer: NOT TODAY my fine friend. YOU can if you'd like. LOL.
Anna
So, I GAVE my brain a rest while cleaning up my vape area which trust me, needed it quite badly. But it's all clean and organized in here, and I'm too tired to do yoga but that's okay I can do it tomorrow.
She also said while she could not classify my sister's employment as holy or unholy I was doing "holy work" and there were not so many people who like, are willing to do it at the moment.
So then I scrubbed and scrubbed and it's always extra therapeutic because it reminds me of housecleaning with the baby kiddo with me, where my only worries were "How can I clean this more efficiently" because I Do That.
I also decided if my back hurts sometimes I can still do yoga because it's my MAJOR coping skill even if it means I take a couple of Advil because BAH, it hurts after all that cleaning. I'm not taking 4 tablets every four hours for days, and if I get symptomatic I will switch to Tylenol but it's not like I even NEED it every day, plus, if my one concession toward rushing to death is like well, taking some Advil so I can do yoga in preparation for my hellish day it's probably better than thinking about driving my car into... it's hard to find things in Douglas but there is that fabulous canyon in Bisbee, AZ, I can always travel there. So instead of doing that I will be risqué with the Advil or whatnot.
Screw it. I am stressed out enough. My mom said she would never let me end up in a tent next to our Tucson Shell of Home and I believe her (based on her scared investment email when she was sick, she's better.) Also, the husband listened to me rant and said, "I both we are not normal. We SAY what we THINK. But frankly, I bet everyone is feeling this way. I mean LAYING YOU off one day a week on Saturday and then threatening furloughs on SUNDAY if performance is not met? You don't even get a weekend away from this crap?"
I thought about it more. Because my main thing was, "This is all my fault." That is how social workers tend to think if they aren't thinking "This is SOCIETY's fault." So yeah, I guess I need to not Think and Carry On. My brain's my biggest asset and my greatest liability. So I feel a bunch better but thank you ALL for your niceness.
I will keep moving until they make me stop, I guess. It's not AS bad when you are there because you are distracted, IF that makes any sense. The horror of the constant change is so great.... I hope I don't let it ruin my weekends any more.
I bet you ANYTHING the adult team got the same damn email. Yeah, parents are scared for their kids, but like, I bet the adults don't wish to enter EITHER..
I cleaned up and organized everything, including my mixes.
The husband just asked me if I was gonna pull out the couch. My answer: NOT TODAY my fine friend. YOU can if you'd like. LOL.
Anna
You should be able to make a mix or two with that
I hope! I picked by which looked good and had 5 star ratings, and a few that were recommended. I have not tried any of them. Don't even know what blackcurrant is! LOL
Good morning mixers. I’m still going to work. A lot of people are either working from home or not at all.
That's ok. I didn't really know what Black Currant was either but it's good.I hope! I picked by which looked good and had 5 star ratings, and a few that were recommended. I have not tried any of them. Don't even know what blackcurrant is! LOL
My SiL is still working too. His company makes filters.
So it appears no one thought there would ever be a problem in getting flavorings. I just read that TFA website is shut down and won't produce more flavorings until the outbreak is under control.
Hopefully, not a long term problem but it does point to the fact that there are other things that impact supply of flavors other than the dooming regs.
Hopefully, not a long term problem but it does point to the fact that there are other things that impact supply of flavors other than the dooming regs.
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