Oof. Consider yourselves liked and loved and whatnot. I emailed my doc to just

switch me back to 60 mg of like, Adderall, if he won't prescribe the 10 more I NEED. . Maybe then I can like, feel like sh

for like 4 hours a day, instead of all day, every day. Because frankly, I give up.. Oh I figured out why morning yoga doesn't work anymore. My new med takes like 3 hours (the med I'm on now) to kick in. NO WONDER.
Anyway, so I went in for the meeting and told my boss I felt horrible anyway so just could we like GET THROUGH IT. Oh I also asked if like, she could not be my boss anymore but she blathered on about like, my uh, right inability to get to work and my 6 year, I mean 6 month plan on that. I was like, "Urgh." It made me remember the HIPPA violation torture and cancer doc and why I wanted to kill them. Only I didn't say anything. In any case, she had LOTS to say, like I was upsetting the docs by TURNING OFF my audio and video due to my number dyslexia etc., which like, I totally explained was MY thing to be ready to go into the electronic visit, NOT pressuring them but having the NUMBERS right for sure.. SO great, I get to stop doing that and whatever.
She said one doc said I was "loitering near doors." I AM IN THE COMMON AREA SOMETIMES!! Or entering or something which I totally once did BY ACCIDENT I was headed to the wrong room and hastily backed out of it. IDK. This is the same high maintenance lady who wouldn't let me hospitalize a kid and I was like "YOU ARE NUTS," and then the next visit she woke from an OD and like, um, yeah, I spent 2 hours doing her bidding to get her to an actual psych hospital and she questioned me the whole time. Now I get why her husband is so nice-- he has to be. I told my boss she had some neve like, pissing on me because whenever SHE wanted something she was ALL over me like IDK mold on bread. Sort of more politely. My boss was all like, "You can call afterward" and I was darkly thinking about how everyone was saying the BEST was like to BE on the screen encounter. But, whatever,
So yes, my encounters are good or whatever, per my boss. OF COURSE they are. Jesus. I told her I was not looking for glory or delight or ANYTHING I was just trying to help keep the center afloat, which like, in my opinion more people COULD do. Yeah I could stop at my "assigned" cases only often I see 10 kids before LUNCH in this format you CAN and well I am supposed to get 8, so what I go hide?
In any case then she talked about my future boss coming to MY location to steal my patients/help me out. Although she has no need to, she is the second busiest person than me. I did point that out and my boss said there were sometimes there was little going on at her location, which was a lie. So, I brightly said, "Oh good, maybe I can shadow her sometimes and it will give me more time to get to my IBH follow up list." Then my boss asked ALL about that. So, I minimally TOLD her starting with "I asked Dr. Darlene first you were not around." I said it was great, because telephone encounters were so much easier to document, perhaps my productivity would go UP. I hate her.
Anyway, then we got to the "medical advice." Yesterday, doctor off site was seeing a patient. I asked the mom how all was going and she told me ALL about the medical plan (which we can ask, like "What did your medical provider say to do") and like, she totally lied and said she thought the kid had an ear infection but she didn't mention it.. sounded bogus.) So I was like, I will be happy to mention that TO HIM and I don't know if he will get back to you or not but I would recommend following his medical PLAN of Ibuprofen for fever if it happens and returning in 2 days like YOUR DOC HAS SAID, (NO FURTHER INSTRUTCTIONS FROM ME) whether he returns a call or not but I will TELL him you said this.
So I messaged him and he was all pissy and then was like 'No she doesn't have one I told her." And I was like, "I kind of figured that possibly which is why I am ASKING you and I told her to just follow her aftercare instructions but because I wrote them in the note well I guess he FORGOT them because I was 'Giving medical advice," when NO I WAS NOT, not even close. So I explained it all to my supervisor and she said it sounded like a case of miscommunication dude and THEN read me some part of a note which basically said, "Okay your kid had a gastric infection you know, hydrate like the doctor said EXACTLY but then OMG I SAID:
You may want to start with soft foods and Activia yoghurt has live yoghurt cultures in it so it may help you kiddo get over the yuck of a viral stomach bug but it's up to you lots of kids do just fine I would keep an eye on it though and go slow. Probiotics can sometimes help but really just talk to your medical provider if things get bad etc."
So that was MEDICAL ADVICE apparently. Telling a parent about gut health and not even REALLY because like, I was like "consult medical provider" about ALL of it.
Never mind the ......n docs who like want me to give them PSYCHIATIRC MEDS to use AND DOSAGES. Yeah, I have to DODGE that bullet all the time and I ..... too, because I know EXACTLY all the psych meds actually when it comes down to it. I MEAN. I really, really do but I have to walk this fine line of 'perhaps you should check a dose yourself or consult a doctor colleague who may help you even though I just want to say, "Trazadone, 75 mg check in in two days and YES you can prescribe in small increments insurance will still pay doofus." Stupid OD doc that was and her OD kid bought drugs off the street anyway so SHE HAS NO UNDERSTANDING OF SUICIDAL TEENS like me, because I told her if the kid wanted to OD it wouldn't be on TRAZADONE
Anyway, yes that is ALL on me, but God forbid I mention a WELL KNOWN OTC remedy and say "You can talk to the doc about it."
Yeah, she made a piece of paper where like, for 30 days I was under observation and my notes would be read and I would be terminated for medical advice, and I really wanted to argue but I was like ".... IT" if I want to tell a parent about something helpful I don't have to document it but I probably won't say anything even then and like, maybe a wedge of foam is NOT okay to mention in asthmatic patient as it is "medical advice.' But nothing medical is going in my notes anymore other than "got your provider's instructions and clear? Good. Is this illness stressing you out in our current social conditions, may I give you stress management instruction?"
Etc. Even if I think it is just a ploy for my boss to like intimidate me into SIGNING something else, it's for a month I DO NOT care. The consequences "included up to termination" and my boss said, :"Of course we don't want to terminate you." I was like, dryly, "I most certainly would not want to either if I were you, that would be a horrible thing to happen to me, not to mention our entire company, because I must say, I have many CCHCI skeletons hanging in my closet and I could hang a useful advocate for me on EVERY LAST ONE." I didn't even say it ......, just dead voiced like dropping bombs.
I JUST HAD TO. I WAS SO ....... Anyhoo, it was not a "thanks for like helping out and working HARDER THAN ANYONE and I know I have ( my graph just came out I am number one AGAIN so how odd my system was WORKING) but ooh, it was all "pushy with the docs" and ALSO if the docs felt that way, they could have TOLD me I was right there REALLY.
But whatever. I told my boss I felt like crap afterward, not like emotionally due to her 'help" altthoght it sure "helped' and I WILL AT SOME POINT call my list like crazy AND make encounter s she can't stop me if she sends my real supervisor over (WHO I actually will follow, I respect her, she is GOOD and I would take the time to learn some of her skillset even though I can't bill for it, because that's how I am.)
So yes, my extra effort was ...... on, and I guess no one likes it that I am number one, and I do it with extra effort and communication.
So I was more like, "Lady, I just don't feel WELL." She told me I could take PTO and I looked at her very darkly and said, "I showed up here this morning on NO notice and until I made some NOISE at you I was going to be BLINDISDED so no, I don't think I will be taking PTO this fine, lovely morning as it is my understanding THAT there are no partial PTO days, just days you work and don't. I am here, I got dressed, I showered, I woke at five."
So she told me to leave at lunch and left all cheery. I wasn't cheery but I wasn't mad, I was just curiously, ominously, emotionally BLANK. I sort of feel like, "What is to lose?" I love my job but I won't be putting up with this too much longer and if it means FMLA and they pay me while I find lawyers.? I may make it my goal to be the most productive provider as LONG as I can using non-traditional methods because REALLY COME THE





ON!!!!!!!!
So yeah, I left at lunch. If my doc doesn't get back to me I don't know how I will cope. I feel so awful and I HAVE GIVEN UP. I really have I am at the SWINGING FRAYING END OF THE ROPE WITH my HANDS slipping and my PALMS SWEATY I need to be on track with my meds to handle this one, I'm so MESSED UP.
I don't understand people honestly.
And I mean I might keel over of a heart attack messed up. I gots the drugs to do it, but my kid asked me not to die yet. The house.... OMG we are going to have to sell it at a major loss and get a loan to pay off the last 10 K of the mortgage. We have NOTHING. Less than nothing. The best thing I could do for my kid is to like, send him 90K in insurance money but he wants me around.
I am miserable. I don't understand this lot. I don't.
Sorry, rant over needed to get it OUT OUT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anna