1-800 Contacts sent me THIS email. They were the cheapest which is why I used them, but if I knew they were going to do THIS, I may have thought long and hard about it:

Brett in IT is working from home, but just shoo’d his kids out of his office to complete setting up your new 1-800 Contacts account, as requested. When he finished, he messaged the entire company to announce the good news: you decided to turn to us for contact lenses.
Some called their moms. Some baked elaborate desserts. Others felt moved to write poetry. That really jacked guy in Finance started doing vigorous push-ups. All rejoiced.
So, thank you for trusting us to help with your vision care...and for giving us a reason to get excited.
Your new socially-distant friends,
The 1-800 Contacts Team
Dude, I am all for whimsy to a POINT but they really, IDK is this supposed to make me feel coronavirusly better becasue it DON'T. I was printing out my emails to get to all the complicate places I need to go ad I have gotten so good at this Tucson thing, I even have tie for this post but not MUCH more time.
I was like, "Ooh maybe they will have a status update for me.: I wasn't expecting THIS. I guess it is a status update of a sort.
Them damn Millenials, I know it's them. The snowflakes are all busy collecting unemployment and/or debating looting.
LOL I kid I kid.
I need to learn to tolerate more whimsy in this life I mean I get it's cute. I just hate it though.
Anna