Bothered. Need help.

[zoiDman]

...

I’m still smoking. Much less than I was, but smoking none the less.

I’m loving vaping, and I keep my vape with me constantly. I have some awesome flavors that taste amazing. I have devices that are good enough for me. I have the ok from my CFO (husband) to buy whatever I need whenever I need it. (He’s a non smoker). I have all the motivation, as my mom is actively dying of lung cancer. I have family who recently (within the last 6 months) quit smoking using vaping. So I have all the support. Guys, my husband even put plants and my vape stuff in my smoking spot on the sunporch. (Picture below). I have high nic salts and regular juice. I work from home and homeschool so my stress is low because I never have to deal with people.

But I’m still smoking.

...

I can Only speak for myself.

But I could Not have quit Smoking if I was in the same Situation that you are in now. The Stress Level would have been just too High.

I think you have to view Smoking Less as a Bigger Success than the failure to Quit Smoking completely. Because your Glass, IMO, is more than 1/2 full quitting-wise.

Treat yourself to Something Nice Today as a Celebration of Smoking Less. And think of All of those who haven't come as Far as You have come.

 

[Skeebo]

I'm of the opinion that your contemplating quitting cigs is an accomplishment in of itself. It's the most important step!

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

You ALL are incredibly helpful and kind with sharing your successes, failures, and stories. The question was asked, “could you ever see yourself as a non smoker?” And I feel like that hit the nail on the head. I can’t. My whole, rowdy, fun, loud Cajun family....all smokers. All sitting outside laughing and talking over one another and drinking Community coffee and...smoking.

This is part of my identity. This is like saying no more coffee or you suddenly have to forget how to make the best roux from scratch. But my grandma taught me that! I don’t want to forget that!!

But this is no gumbo we are battling with. These are cigarettes. Cigarettes in a family of which every person that has died, has died of cancer. I need to figure out how to cut that connection. And I don’t want my mother’s death to be the thing that does it.

I’m going to go all day today. I have cigarettes but I don’t smoke them in the mornings because I just happen to have the best captain crunch and strawberry milk flavor mixed up and ready to go with my coffee. (Community-Pecan Praline if anyone is interested).

I can have one tomorrow. They are in my car. That’s where they will stay. Tomorrow, if I choose, and I probably will choose this. I can have one.

If this fails y’all gave me great advice for walking them down. I smoke an average of 6 a day, so I could do 6 then 5 then 4 etc. I’ll do a whole day. And if it doesn’t work I have a plan B.

Thank you. From my heart, thank you friends.

Use the most powerful word in our language.......NO, when the thoughts or urges come up. Each time you will feel just a little stronger. You would be surprised at the games we play with ourselves that allow this ugly habit to have the upper hand. But you must also remember that BT had years to perfect cigarettes in how they influence our behavior.

One thing I used to do when starting out was not to fight so hard as far as being flat out defiant. Saying no does work but not always as I found it can make the urge more powerful. So instead of just saying no, I would fake giving in. I would take the pressure off by saying to myself, 'OK, but I want to finish (whatever I was doing) this first'. And kept doing that whenever the urge came back. Then at the end of the day you will realize that you managed to get through the day without actually giving in. I called it 'the games we play' but it worked for me.

We put so much of ourselves into smoking those killers that they are in so many illusions they become a part of us. Tell yourself you are only switching the method by which you get your nicotine. You are not really giving up smoking just making a switch on how you get it.

I do know that through the years that each time I quit smoking for a few months and then went back to it that my body would wait longer periods of time before actually believing my behavior had permanently changed and therefore making it so much harder to switch or quit.

Change the stuff you tell yourself internally to 'I vape now' just by calling it something different but thinking its really the same can also take off the pressure. And its not really a total lie, as we still have the hand to mouth action and the visual of seeing the 'smoke'. Concentrate on what is the same about it to also relieve the pressure.

I realize this may sound a bit silly because, well, it is when you get through the rough spots and look back. But smoking has a lot of weapons to use against you, so you need to have some weapons also to win this war.

As always--good luck and keep us updated. You will get through this. Of that I have no doubt.

 

[stols001]

I quit a 3 ppd habit with my husband smoking (and he still is.) I just kind of HAD to accept that there were ALL the cigarettes in the world available to me, whether it was one on the front porch, or the ones at the gas station.

I will say, I had a reasonable motivator. I mean.... I couldn't picture myself with an oxygen tank either.

I feel off the wagon this week and bought a pack of cigarettes, (insomnia and terrible stress.) I have learned I am a stress smoker, most of all, so there are times I trip. But I know I will stop, and I know I see myself as a vaper now, no matter what.

Stuff happens, try to quit, see what happens, I pictured myself as a smoker LONG after I reached the 1 year mark, and occasionally, I still am. It's not the end of the world is how I see it now. I am a vaper. period and I know I will not go back to smoking with any kind of permanence.

Just hold in mind what is important to YOU. I still go hang with the husband when he smokes. He smokes I vape. Etc.

Anna

 

[vapdivrr]

I hope everything turns out good for you and as already mentioned, stick in there, it takes time and is not an easy thing to do. For myself, and everyone is different, it took a tank, kind of similar to your berserker, with much higher nic then 6mg. Granted I was a 1.5 PAD smoker for over 30 years, but it took 24mg nic to stop the urge. I know now it's kind of frowned upon or perhaps outdated to use nic that high, but for mtl , high resistance rtas like the berserker, it's a combination that at least needs to be tried. Have you tried at least an 18mg regular nic juice in that tank? Perhaps at least give it a go and use a juice with 60 to 70vg and even perhaps an wta juice as others have mentioned. 6mg regular nic in that tank just seems way to low imo. Good luck

 

[fratervapor]

Spitballing here.

My guess is the physical pack of smokes is functioning as a soothing/comforting totem. I came from cigars; I was soothed by their beauty, craftmanship, feel, etc. I keep an old dark brown eVod Mega around because it is the size, shape, and color of the Churchill-sized cigars I preferred. Fits in the hand just like a cigar.

Our minds try to protect us with defense mechanisms, and sometimes old defenses are no longer helpful. They are also good at hiding. Here are some questions that might help flush out the trigger(s):

What would happen if you wrote on the pack with a marker? Or blacked out the logo? Or blacked out the whole thing?

What would happen if an empty pack were resealed and left in the normal place? What if it were filled with something before resealing so that it weighed the same as a full pack?

What would happen if you placed a small rectangular mod inside an empty pack of smokes?

What would happen if you placed a pack-sized object in the spot you usually keep the pack of smokes?

What if the pack was still there but placed in a paper bag or in a dishtowel?

What would happen if you didn't own a lighter?

What would happen if you "field stripped" (removed the tobacco from) a cigarette to smell from time to time?

What if you opened a new pack and dribbled some vinegar into it and let it dry out?

What if you put something sticky on the pack, like a thin layer of grape jelly?

 

[Ceejay0875]

Honestly, I think you're doing great and need to stop beating up on yourself, that will only make you want to smoke more. You say you were a PAD smoker, and now you're averaging 6 a day. That's 14 cigarettes a day LESS than what you used to. That comes to roughly a full carton less every two weeks. A freakin' carton! That's an awful lot and I think you owe yourself some credit.

If you do continue to stepdown, maybe lay out your 6 per day and allow yourself to smoke them if you must. Personally, I can't stand to run out of something so if I'm running low on something, I will try to conserve what I have left. I would maybe look at them and think, do I need this now, what happens if I get stressed and I've smoked them all, maybe I should just go have a vape and save the smoke for later. Then maybe you find you can do this with 5, 4, 3, and so on.

I also second trying some higher nic juice. When I quit I did it at 24 mg, and i stayed at that level for a long time. I'm now down to 6 mg and I don't intend to go any lower since I've found the nic helps with my arthritis.

Totally unrelated but it's great to run across a fellow homeschooler!

Hang in there. You've got this.

 

[United States]

I can Only speak for myself.

But I could Not have quit Smoking if I was in the same Situation that you are in now. The Stress Level would have been just too High.

I think you have to view Smoking Less as a Bigger Success than the failure to Quit Smoking completely. Because your Glass, IMO, is more than 1/2 full quitting-wise.

Treat yourself to Something Nice Today as a Celebration of Smoking Less. And think of All of those who haven't come as Far as You have come.

Bravo with a capital B R A V and O.

Well said.

 

[zoiDman]

Bravo with a capital B R A V and O.

Well said.

Thanks US.

If you Post as much as I do, you get Lucky every Once and Awhile.

 

[AttyPops]

Is your 6mg juice high enough nic for you?

:
Don't try and quit nic and cigs at the same time. Quit the cigs. Don't buy anymore IF YOU CAN MANAGE NOT TO. If you can't, you can't. Don't be scared to get enough nic. Don't go overboard, but don't get too little either.

There's a mild 2 or three week withdrawal from the OTHER chemicals in cigs...for many. You can also research WTA e-juice here on this site if it helps.

Good luck to you. Sorry to hear about your mom.

 

[Zazie]

I wish it could be easier for you, @jtbje, but you really are doing great.

There's so much good advice in this thread; I hope some of it clicks for you. I particularly like the idea of putting a small mod in a pack of cigarettes as a way of tricking your brain into thinking it's getting what it wants. And I also think setting out your cigarette ration for the day is a good idea (put the rest of the pack someplace awkward to get to), if you're the delayed-gratification type (best of all, of course, would be not to have cigarettes around at all to tempt you, but that sounds like it would be too stressful right now). And maybe try upping your nicotine. Six mgs sounds low for someone used to a pack a day.

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Give yourself huge credit for doing so well, and know that, as determined as you are, you are pretty much guaranteed to succeed in the end. I bet your mother is proud of you for trying.

 

[chellie]

"I’m still smoking. Much less than I was, but smoking none the less.".

You are winning in other words. And the demon cigarettes hate that. Smoking will take your success, turn it against you, try to drive you into a circle of despair where the only way out is to continue to smoke.

To come anywhere near to winning this battle, you need to understand yourself, your motives, your strengths and your weaknesses. All of the battle is yours alone. Vaping will be a vital ally in helping, as will your family. What they cannot do is step into that void inside your heart when you reach for that cigarette to fill the gap. To those who don't understand, it is the most lonely place imaginable. Vaping can nail the addiction, and NRT and vaping both contribute to that, but the key IMO to success, is staying on the "giving up" wagon. Until you discover the emotional and psychological triggers for yourself, where your limits are, tobacco will have the upper hand. It will lie, deceive, manipulate and pull every dirty trick in the book until it consumes you. Tobacco is ruthless, and you need to be more cunning, and dedicated than it is, to win.

You need to ask yourself two questions, and be brutally honest with yourself in your response. Firstly, why do you smoke? Secondly, can you, in all honesty, see yourself as a non-smoker? Once you have the answers to these two questions, you can plan your strategy and act accordingly.

I've cut my habit down to less than a ¼ of what I used to smoke (40+ years smoking with asthma, COPD and heart conditions). I'm under no illusions that the very last part of the battle, letting go totally, will be the hardest. I still see smoking, to a much lesser degree than before, as a friend, an ally. I need to cross that rubicon, where vaping is my best friend. Daily, my trust in a hot coil and a set of charged batteries grows. Hanging around these forums helps me to understand I am not alone. Soon, the tourniquet around my addiction will cut off the blood supply enough for it to rot and fall off. That, I'm 100% convinced of. My challenge is not to look back, but to look forward. Undoubtedly, I will spend the rest of my life a vaper, but I'm happy with that and can live with myself. I will still need a crutch, but it will be on my terms. I've always admired the folks that can have the occasional cigarette and walk away. I'm aiming for that. Being honest with myself, I don't think I'll ever reach total abstinence, but who knows? What is critical for me is that I don't fall into the hellish spiral of giving up tobacco, patting myself on the back, then falling back into the habit days, weeks, months or even years later with all the associated guilt and shame. The tobacco demon then has an even greater emotional hold over me. Those days are gone.

Some have equated giving up smoking to the grieving process. I totally agree, it is like getting divorced, or indeed loosing a loved one. I believe as smokers and ex-smokers, until we address the emotional side of addiction, we only have part of the cure.

I found your post really interesting and informative.

I've said it many times that we are all different. I smoked heavily from age 10 for many many years - decades. I stopped entirely from my first day of vaping. I've never once said, If I can - you can" - hate when folks say that because we are all so different. Overall, most people that know me would say that I am focused with a super strong constitution. I make up my mind and do it. No BS - I just do it.

I have very keen insight into my own strengths and weaknesses. The 2 areas that I have an issue with are smoking and eating. For both it is all or nothing - that is how I control it. If I had one cig --it would soon be 40. My Mom smoked regularly, not a heavy smoker and then one day just stopped and, on occassion, would have a cig or two. Not me.

As far as food, I either eat it all or none. And I am at a good weight - could shed a few but not really big or anything. I know people who will say, Oh I will take a little taste" and take a teeny tiny bit of a candy bar, for example, and it satisfies them. Me - I would eat the whole bar. because a nailhead sized piece just does not do it for me and, for some reason, actually makes me crave more. I am OK with not eating it at all and people can eat all the candy bars they want in front of me day and night. No problem. But a teeny tiny piece does not satisify me.

You also mentioned it is a grieving process. I never thought of it that way, at the time, but reflecting upon it I did treat it that way. I had a date set to stop and I smoked myself silly right up until the last day and it was I guess my way of saying goodbye to a certain very long-standing part of my life. I was resolute with my decision.

Vaping was absolutely a substitution for analogs for me - as it is for many. Now, years later - I do not even think about a cig -- I am not bothered by folks smoking analogs and I do not crave it.

I am now a full-fledged vaper.

 

[chellie]

Chellie's story is pretty much the same as mine. I am a compulsive type and if the cigs were there, I would smoke them. OTOH, I had major anxiety attacks just thinking about not having any in the house. The first week, I had a pack and told myself they were 'just in case'. Well, slowly I smoked them. At that point I knew I couldn't have any around but anxiety set in again. I finally had a talk with myself and figured out the worst possible scenario if I didn't have any and had a panic attack....I would hop in the car and go to the all night store. I bought back up vape gear and chained vape for quite awhile, still do to some extent. That worked for me, I never bought another pack nor smoked again. That was 9 years ago and I am so thankful.

Others have said it well, each person has their own individual journey and has to work out what is right for them. Best of luck to you and you are doing great.

I am exactly the same way -- For many of my decisions, I figure out what could be the worst thing that could happen and what I would do. I try to cover all bases. Never used the adjective "compulsive" to label any of my behaviors but maybe I am a touch compulsive! I can live with that! Congrats on 9 years. Awesome!

 

[chellie]

You ALL are incredibly helpful and kind with sharing your successes, failures, and stories. The question was asked, “could you ever see yourself as a non smoker?” And I feel like that hit the nail on the head. I can’t. My whole, rowdy, fun, loud Cajun family....all smokers. All sitting outside laughing and talking over one another and drinking Community coffee and...smoking.

This is part of my identity. This is like saying no more coffee or you suddenly have to forget how to make the best roux from scratch. But my grandma taught me that! I don’t want to forget that!!

But this is no gumbo we are battling with. These are cigarettes. Cigarettes in a family of which every person that has died, has died of cancer. I need to figure out how to cut that connection. And I don’t want my mother’s death to be the thing that does it.

I’m going to go all day today. I have cigarettes but I don’t smoke them in the mornings because I just happen to have the best captain crunch and strawberry milk flavor mixed up and ready to go with my coffee. (Community-Pecan Praline if anyone is interested).

I can have one tomorrow. They are in my car. That’s where they will stay. Tomorrow, if I choose, and I probably will choose this. I can have one.

If this fails y’all gave me great advice for walking them down. I smoke an average of 6 a day, so I could do 6 then 5 then 4 etc. I’ll do a whole day. And if it doesn’t work I have a plan B.

Thank you. From my heart, thank you friends.

Here's a thought - Maybe you will find a vape setup that you absolutely love and you will be sitting outside with your rowdy fun family - they will be smoking cigs and you will be vaping something that smells incredibly delicious. They will ask you about it, you will explain it and they will all want to try it and maybe, just maybe you will one day be a family of vapers.

 

[gerrymi]

One thing you might look into is WTA. You can keep one setup loaded with WTA and pull it out when the urge to smoke gets particularly strong.

WTA ejuice may help by supplying some of the other alkaloids present in cigarette smoke.

I found WTA and Swedish snus really helpful. I have a brain that just seems to like/need the minor alkaloids.

Thread that turned me onto WTA...My Experience With Wta

Based on cost and vaping satisfaction...WTA I use...The Blends - flavored e-liquid - standard USP nicotine or WTA

(Half of my tanks I keep filled with nicotine-6mg....half of my tanks I keep filled with WTA-12mg....I alternate between whatever I'm "feeling"... )

..

 

[jtbje]

UPDATE:

I did pretty good yesterday. I smoked a half of one in the middle of the day when my kids were driving me crazy, and another half at bedtime. I wanted it before then but kept stalling. And no surprise but it wasn’t nearly as gratifying as my mind said it would be. It hurt my throat and the smoke kept wafting in my eyes and it was cold outside and it tasted bad. So I put it out halfway through.

I’ve been up for about 2 hours today and haven’t smoked (been really working on pushing off that morning cigarette, it’s hard) and trying to decide how I will tackle today. I’m one kid down (at his grandmas) and another will go to his moms today (stepson) and I work for about 3 hours. Other than that it’s toddler school and first grade school and that’s it. An easy day. My mind says I want to smoke, my mind says that’s ridiculous...it really is “the games we play” as mentioned above.

I have 11 left in a pack I bought Friday. They are in the car and geez this is the hardest breakup.

Thank you guys for all your support and kind words. I’m sure you all know this, but this forum is incredibly helpful. Almost like an AA meeting for smokers. Smokers Anonymous? I wonder if that’s what keeps lots of you posting here 5, 7, 9 years after you quit. Either way, I appreciate you.

I’m going to make some coffee and call my mom and get school started. Happy Monday, ECF!

 

[jtbje]

Here's a thought - Maybe you will find a vape setup that you absolutely love and you will be sitting outside with your rowdy fun family - they will be smoking cigs and you will be vaping something that smells incredibly delicious. They will ask you about it, you will explain it and they will all want to try it and maybe, just maybe you will one day be a family of vapers.

Funny you say that, we had a birthday party for my now 3 year old at my moms house Friday. My mom and her roommate, my family, and my in-laws were there. My in-laws introduced me to vaping and gave me my first setup at Christmas time. Anyway, we WERE sitting outside, myself, father in law, mother in law vaping and my mom and her roommate smoking. It felt very natural, but it occurred to me that the vapers outnumbered the smokers! I wish I could have introduced this to my mom years ago, it might have changed things for her.

 

[jtbje]

I wish it could be easier for you, @jtbje, but you really are doing great.

There's so much good advice in this thread; I hope some of it clicks for you. I particularly like the idea of putting a small mod in a pack of cigarettes as a way of tricking your brain into thinking it's getting what it wants. And I also think setting out your cigarette ration for the day is a good idea (put the rest of the pack someplace awkward to get to), if you're the delayed-gratification type (best of all, of course, would be not to have cigarettes around at all to tempt you, but that sounds like it would be too stressful right now). And maybe try upping your nicotine. Six mgs sounds low for someone used to a pack a day.

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Give yourself huge credit for doing so well, and know that, as determined as you are, you are pretty much guaranteed to succeed in the end. I bet your mother is proud of you for trying.

I really like the idea of a pod mod in an empty pack too. When this pack is empty I’m going to do that. Such creative ideas.

 

[jtbje]

I wish it could be easier for you, @jtbje, but you really are doing great.

There's so much good advice in this thread; I hope some of it clicks for you. I particularly like the idea of putting a small mod in a pack of cigarettes as a way of tricking your brain into thinking it's getting what it wants. And I also think setting out your cigarette ration for the day is a good idea (put the rest of the pack someplace awkward to get to), if you're the delayed-gratification type (best of all, of course, would be not to have cigarettes around at all to tempt you, but that sounds like it would be too stressful right now). And maybe try upping your nicotine. Six mgs sounds low for someone used to a pack a day.

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Give yourself huge credit for doing so well, and know that, as determined as you are, you are pretty much guaranteed to succeed in the end. I bet your mother is proud of you for trying.

And thank you, she is proud! She keeps telling me to “vape on that thing baby, it smells so good” LOL

 

[jtbje]

Is your 6mg juice high enough nic for you?

:
Don't try and quit nic and cigs at the same time. Quit the cigs. Don't buy anymore IF YOU CAN MANAGE NOT TO. If you can't, you can't. Don't be scared to get enough nic. Don't go overboard, but don't get too little either.

There's a mild 2 or three week withdrawal from the OTHER chemicals in cigs...for many. You can also research WTA e-juice here on this site if it helps.

Good luck to you. Sorry to hear about your mom.

Honestly, I think you're doing great and need to stop beating up on yourself, that will only make you want to smoke more. You say you were a PAD smoker, and now you're averaging 6 a day. That's 14 cigarettes a day LESS than what you used to. That comes to roughly a full carton less every two weeks. A freakin' carton! That's an awful lot and I think you owe yourself some credit.

If you do continue to stepdown, maybe lay out your 6 per day and allow yourself to smoke them if you must. Personally, I can't stand to run out of something so if I'm running low on something, I will try to conserve what I have left. I would maybe look at them and think, do I need this now, what happens if I get stressed and I've smoked them all, maybe I should just go have a vape and save the smoke for later. Then maybe you find you can do this with 5, 4, 3, and so on.

I also second trying some higher nic juice. When I quit I did it at 24 mg, and i stayed at that level for a long time. I'm now down to 6 mg and I don't intend to go any lower since I've found the nic helps with my arthritis.

Totally unrelated but it's great to run across a fellow homeschooler!

Hang in there. You've got this.

Homeschoolers in the wild! I homeschool a 4th grader, 1st grader, and toddler school with my youngest. We started last year so still learning but we all like it so far.