I'm off to do yoga man, but I'm feeling down. It really sucks that their little "complaints of me" all added up into a performance improvement plan and stuff. They probably have no idea. I mean, well, you do and say stuff in the moment and then you don't have your person around and you are like, "Huh, I miss that person." It's NICE to be missed dude, but it is ALSO why I almost NEVER complain. It took FEAR of being beaten up by a Harvard trained psychopath to make me file a complaint and that was AFTER trying to work it out through normal supervisory channels.
Part of me just wants to email them all WHAT HAPPENED, in a kind of factual way like, "I'm sorry you don't know my boss freaking hates me because I don't usually discuss this stuff but all your little niggling complaints in the middle of a time when the director was THREATENING to close pediatrics and NOT to mention it, but I actually TALK to the MAs about you know, stuff, because I am friendly and outgoing and they are having NO FUN with their salaries HALVED either, well thank you for taking the time to mention every little thing I did to my BOSS not ME so I could have fixed or resolved it in the MOMENT, I appreciate you waiting for a "Pile on the IBH provider who is working hardest session." Because now I have been censured in writing and guess what, I can't see patients or document because I have no clue what would happen.
I really would like to send a group email TO ALL the providers about that, and how I moved TWICE and how they LIED about it so I had no choice and how I have nothing but debt and ruination and I am spending half my time on a getaway plan that works, and the other half feeling suicidal.
"But, thank you for your kind thoughts about me, not quite sure if I will be back. You could all discuss the situation with MY director or YOUR boss, if you miss me so badly but did what you did without forethought, but that is completely, utterly up to you.
See, that would be a hierarchical error that I would LOVE to make. But likely shouldn't. Okay miserable, time for NO more work or thought about future or past just like YOU KNOW THE MAT.
I wanted to go to Walmart today but like, IDK. We'll see. We are going to Bisbee to deposit the house remediation dough we have achieved so far. Shopping then I think.
Anna