If ya don't think cellulose is a great wick.... soak some in a pan of water and just try to get that water back out.
Hopefully this works. Will be down to only 994 feet if it doesn't !
Tentative name for this experiment: Project Tapeworm
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Jake, It looks like your making homemade Linguini
I read some place that the stuff can absorb 2 to 3 times it own volume. So it shouldn't take more than a month to dry out.