Neil, why are you not learning to play the piano? And don't give me that old dogs and tricks stuff. If I can (and did) go to college in my mid-40s, you can learn to play.
(By the way: My 22 year old tutored me in those first math courses; I was phobic and had been since middle school. Would you believe I made A's? But, I'm still math phobic. lol)
So, go find a teacher. They don't all charge a fortune & it's never to late to learn.
Fiz