relationships

[devondotr]

I proposed to my girlfriend in 2004, at this time I was nicotine free. She had gotten me to quit analogs and we were both happy. Two years ago I started up behind her back and the problems arose.

We made a deal to try e cigarettes and I have been smoke free for a year to date.

Recently I have been doing good, working full time, helping family, taking her to a Seahawks game but vaping always bothers her.

The smell of the juice - so she won't kiss or hug me unless it has wore off or I spray myself with cologne.

The constant cravings that I'm vaping every hour and apparently making her feel like a third wheel, which I don't understand whatsoever. I only am away for 5 minutes or more if gear isn't working right.

Anyway I need advice on what to do...
She wants me to either cut down or quit because of these problems.. I just don't want to because I am obviously addicted a and nicotine helps me get through stressful days at work and life.

I don't drink or do any drugs just vaping and my medication for diagnosed schizophrenia.

Thank you,

Devondotr

 

[Dampmaskin]

Tell her that it's vaping or going back to the smokes. Whether or not that is strictly true, it ought to be an argument she should give some thought. Perhaps it will help put things more into perspective. Just my 2 cents.

By the way, have you read the Wikipedia article on schizophrenia and smoking? Interesting stuff.

 

[MamaRymes]

Good luck! I don't know what else to say. You have a very patient woman on your hands, being engaged for 10 years! Are wedding bells in the future? I hope someone can give you some decent advise.

 

[nyiddle]

Tell her that it's vaping or going back to the smokes.

For a while my lady was bugged by vaping. Not even because of the smell of it or anything, she just thought that if I was quitting cigarettes, I should be quitting nicotine entirely.

I told her/she witnessed it when I cheated a few times and had cigarettes, that it was either vaping or I'd go back for sure. She understands this now, and while she's not the biggest fan of my vaping, she does recognize it's health benefits over smoking. Really, the pros outweigh the cons. If she cares about your health, she'll understand.

 

[whanso1]

Have kids together... Quit it all or split.

No kids and not married... Split. Find someone who doesn't want to change you.

Married... Work it out.

Just the thoughts of some random guy on the internet, take it as you see fit.

 

[Alto101]

Out of curiosity, what juices do you vape? If you vape something that has a strong odor; perhaps switching to a blander juice when you are around her would help?

Is she aware that vaping is very low risk compared to smoking? Perhaps she views vaping as an unhealthy activity and when she smells it, she is reminded that you are engaging in what she considers a harmful activity?

 

[wonkeypickle]

the first answer that came to my head was : yes, just quit, it's your spouse who loves you.




second answer: think of if she'd do the same for you.....if the answer is yes, it's yes. if the answer is no...... well i'd still think about it, refer to answer number one, and probably quit. You can live your life without nicotine, in the end everyone basically wins. I don't know if you're into mods and whatnot, but think of the extra money you'll have just laying around...




BUT!


if vaping is something you're truly passionate about, as where it's not just nicotine for you, then maybe consider your choice a bit longer.

 

[Traijan]

If it were me, I'd just find a liquid which she absolutely loves the scent of and vape that when around her.

My wife vapes one God awful smelling liquid (thankfully none of the local B&M stores sell it around us and she'd have to drive over 125 miles to get more and she won't do that) that is so acrid it makes my nose hairs curl. She'll vape it in the house sitting on the sofa next to me, but she abides by not vaping it in confined spaces with me around like in our truck.

Yup, I'd just find a liquid that she likes the scent of, hell she might even vote for you to vape more if she likes the smell of it. Maybe something that reminds her of Grandma's house during the winter holidays (assuming she had a good childhood and Grandma wasn't an alcoholic with a wicked temper), sugar cookies or cinnamon pine cones or something along those lines that you enjoy vaping and she can enjoy smelling.

If you're truly vaping a lot to where you're really leaving her alone as much as you suggest she feels you are, then perhaps raising the nicotine level of your liquid so that you don't need to go off and vape as much as she thinks you are. But then again, if you get a liquid that she likes the scent of, then maybe you won't need to go off and leave her alone and you'll be able to comfortably vape with her by your side. I suppose it's possible.

 

[FlamingoTutu]

If you are vaping something that tastes and smalls like tobacco, I see her point. If she's just trying to control you, that's another matter. This has come up before and it's been successfully resolved by the vaper vaping something the significant other likes the small of. If she's simply objecting to your vaping period, she's the one with the problem.

 

[bluecat]

You and her both have choices to make. That is was makes a relationship... the gives and takes.. you give a little and she takes all Just teasing.

I would try unflavored. It isn't bad at all. See if she is fine with it. My wife doesn't like the vapor. I hear that too. Are you gonna be out there all that time. I say join me she says too cold. I say you won't let me vape inside.. she shuts the door on me.

 

[iamthevoice]

To throw a little oil on the fire, you might switch for a terrible smelling juice and after a while switch back to your current ADV... Kidding of course! But I feel for you, as it can be difficult to be in that type of situation. Honesty is really the best policy in relationships; perhaps a good talk on how this is making you feel and a compromise can be reached. I mean if you love her and she loves you, a compromise can always be reached! Good luck!

 

[HauntedMyst]

To throw a little oil on the fire, you might switch for a terrible smelling juice and after a while switch back to your current ADV... Kidding of course! But I feel for you, as it can be difficult to be in that type of situation. Honesty is really the best policy in relationships; perhaps a good talk on how this is making you feel and a compromise can be reached. I mean if you love her and she loves you, a compromise can always be reached! Good luck!

This is solid advice. I was vaping my Red Bull and my wife complained about my vaping. So I switched to Septic Tank Surprize and she begged me to go back to the Red Bull.

 

[Papa_Lazarou]

Two issues to sort out.

1) If she's bothered by what you're vaping, switch it up per suggestions above - it's just the polite thing to do.

2) If she's bothered that you're vaping, you have some soul searching to do. Life in a partnership is about choices and respect, and that works both ways. Discussion, not arguing or rote repetition of either of your pov's, is called for - genuine sharing and understanding. Believe me, if vaping isn't something that you two can come to mutual grips with, there will be other, larger issues you'll no doubt encounter at some point.

 

[Recycled Roadkill]

I guess no one would be interested in my special blend of Garlic and Onion then.

 

[Goodyaz]

My fiance (have a date set though) still smokes sometimes. I try to get her to stop but, it is her decision and as long as it isn't around the kids. It is not my choice untimely, just hers. We accept what we are flaws and all together. If I wanted to be controlled I would get a wife that wants everything her way. I vape and she still has a smoke once in a while. We are who we are and would not be together if we could not be with one another.
If she didn't like the smell than I would consider a change. But, I would not quit vaping. It is something I like.
10 cents gave out today.

 

[devondotr]

Thanks all.
I've been setting a timer to see if I've been vaping too much. I don't want to be controlled by something that I am definitely passionate about.. not just the nicotine but the flavor.

I mostly vape caramels and tobaccos... ry4 - mainly.

What is the least smelly juices?
She said that she feels like a third wheel and that I put vaping first, now that I've been timing myself I can see where she is coming from.
Sometimes I find myself vaping whenever I'm away from her, in the truck, in the Lou, I need to prioritize her above vaping because I do love her to death. Thanks all for the great advice and no, I will never go back to analogs when vaping is an option.

 

[Shootist]

I'm not a doctor or a couples, relationship, counselor but it seems to me that no matter what you do she will always find fault with it.

It is my opinion that your diagnosed schizophrenia has something to do with it.

You might want to seek some couples professional help along with cutting down on the nicotine and eventually getting off it completely.

But as I said above even if you do stop vaping she will find fault with other aspects of your behavior.

Women you can't live with or please them and it is illegal to kill them.

Best of luck. You are not along.

 

[Goodyaz]

Well, I vape sweet and fruity stuff. Right now I am vaping gorilla guts (interesting banana mix) Ruckus. I can not take tobacco flavors nor chocolate flavors. All my stuff smells good if you can smell it. Grape, Root beer, Wintergreen, anything fruity I like. Just a personal thing. Tobacco is nasty to me.

 

[RosaJ]

Yesterday it was cigarettes; today it's vaping; tomorrow... (fill in the blank).

It's your life, your decision. Good luck!

 

[MissBlue]

i dunno. i have never understood HOW anyone can tell anyone else what to do based on what THEY like or want. Just cause someone is my boyfriend of girlfriend, or even spouse, does not give them any right to force my actions to comply to what THEY like or dislike. They can make a request, and it's up to me if i accept their request. If something is THAT important to me, and I don't accept their request to stop doing it - then all they have is a choice to be with me - or not.

but no matter WHO they are, nobody tells me what i can and cannot do. Not even a spouse. Each person's choices are their own responsibility in life. That's really the only way a relationship can work imho.

bottom line for me is that if someone doesn't like who I am/what i do, and/or can't (or won't) respect that vaping is a critical smoking cessation method ... important to me such that I'm not going to give it up - then they can either choose to be with me even though they can't force me to do what they want - (and if they DO choose to stay then they have to honor their choice and shut up about it...no nagging or complaining) - or choose to not be with me.

just the other day i saw this quote, and this is really "it":
"Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you."