Oh come now, would you ask a possum not to play dead? Would you ask a skunk to not smell? Nay, nay I say. Dare not expect us to go against our nature. Ask not what your finances can do for you, but how quickly we can destroy said finances.
When I was a boy I would get $5 from my Grandmother for my birthday. Save it they said. Asking a child to save money given to him goes against everything we hold true in our capitalistic society.
(Imagine I tie this into shinyitis here, be creative, I would)
Now go forth young marsupial. Go forth and spend, spend as if your beady little eyes have landed in the holy possum Grail of
vaping. Wrap those claws around it and hold it high and dare the world to run over you and take it.
Be the inspiration our lurkers need. Be their hairy, ever so ugly, beacon of hope. Despair not if the tires of financial oppression bear down on you. Don't freeze in the headlights of oncoming poverty. Fein death in the face of adversity and shine on you crazy thing you!