Holy goodness I just went and got cigarettes, but I'm smoking them this time. Life is currently, intolerable (it does not escape me that I could've gotten batteries for the cost) but currently in need of some tar, life seems somewhat intolerable frankly. It just... Is.
So I got through background paperwork number one, and I was like, "Surely, there can't be anything worse, really?" I mean, I, after some more counseling with my sister means I've opened a can of worms, kinda, but I mean, I can't lie. My first supervisor got back to me (such a win, I love that dude, he was like "use my cellphone, and yes, whatever you need.") LOL I was like, "Thank you, if we even MAKE it to that point," but I love that guy a LOT. He was an awesome supervisor. I sent him pics, since I've seen him on that provider website. I'm sure he'll be happy to see me and the kid, who was like 6ish and I always had stories.
So I finally I completed THAT part but there is a second background check some HR person sent, and like, HOLY GOODNESS, I've kind of given UP on this job, although I'm still trying.
a) it contains a polygraph test including questions like, "Have you ever shoplifted more than $5?" No, no I haven't but one time I forgot to pay for a watch from Target, and like, I didn't bother to go back in but planned to pay for it, does that count? I think it cost $13."
"Have you ever taken.... whole bunch of list of drugs follows," "List isn't long enough frankly."
I was pretty horrified but I guess later I read that "I" don't have to take a polygraph which is good as a) they indicate nothing and b) even if I did take it, ANXIETY LEVEL so high probably nothing would read. I'd spontaneously combust if they even started attaching leads, frankly. Those were SOME sample (adapted) questions, but I still have to answer them. LOL. They are also CRAYZZEE. (in my opinion).
I am also supposed to "bring my HS graduation certificate" (I have never, ever once like, had to supply that, I don't even remember what it LOOKS like.) Man, I emailed the east Coast lady about it (HS registrar or whatever) I have no clue how long that will take, not to mention WHY????
Anyway, like mainly they want to do a UA and a hair test. That goes back 3 YEARS. I'm going to have to get on this with the lady, frankly. I HAD to for oral surgeries (yes, I had a card, yes it is like, expired, yes I can pass a UA test, YES my license was on hold during that time so it was NOT EVEN a crime.)
But, I just don't get it. I mean, I have no choice but to email the lady, but frankly, it's humiliating. To be quite honest. Not to mention all the crazy references and stuff. I really don't think it will happen, although I'm still KIND of hopeful and WANT this dang job but DANG. I mean.... I'm not a habitual drug user I am IN RECOVERY and it's just.... GOD. I think employers should do blood tests honestly, that's the only thing that "more or less" has any hope of telling you what the person is doing NOW.
Anyway I'm done for the day and I feel TERRIBLE and I'd love a hug from the husband but he has like, decided I'm traumatizing him (pretty much I've only yelled BACK and as little as possible, honestly) and I need to "stay away from him," except when HE wants to get in my face. Man, I'd even take a hug from my mommy but she wasn't that great at them, and to be honest the nicest part of my day has been when I went out and purchased cigarettes. The attendant called me "sweetie" and I started crying. I am also doing that now, I'm PATHETIC, the worst possible outcome is that I don't get this job and all I can do is be honest, and my family has been super helpful and I talked to my little bro for ages. He will be in Tucson in two days. Which is actually pretty cool to be honest.
Okay, I'll stop now, I'm back home and I have the phone collected to my Bluetooth and trying to find that nice balance between songs I like and songs that don't make me sob, uncontrollably. LOL.
I am smoking "unapologetically". The husband is I guess, apparently "Quitting" and direfully talking about 'the last time he quit something he left the woman he was with." I hope he quits and I also hope he MAKES UP HIS MIND, cuz I don't much care ATM.
Of course the gas station attendant also told me "Things can change." When he asked how my day was, and I answered honestly. He also then told me, "Well, except for death and taxes, but with death you should see how they tax you THEN." LOL kinda like that dude, actually.
But yeah, if this is how the husband treats women when he "quits" (I don't think he will except maybe out of spite, IDK) I now understand the poisoning fears. I would never, of course, but anyone who acts that way probably SHOULD feel fear of poisoning because it's crossed my mind frankly and I'm pretty NICE. LOL.
Welcome to my sandwich....
Anna
