Thanks I have gotten better it doesn’t eat me up as much as it used to. But still the thing with the new car years ago led her to eventually go into my room while I was at work and take some of my medication then lay down on a farm next door waiting to die. Lucky it was only suboxone I was on at the time for my opioid addiction which is a little harder to OD on what with the ceiling effect it has on dosage.
It just makes me nervous for what’s coming when this starts
Ricky I could tell you many stories about someone who was once in a "situation" very similar to yours, me. I'll skip that…
Nothing will ever change until you make a change. For You and only You.
Sometimes that means walking away … which IS a form of Love. Truth and Fact.
You are living your Life and are in no way responsible for your Mother. Or for her well being or contentment. She is. Quite frankly she is looking to you to be her knight in shiny armor as were your other family members. No one knew what to do with her or how to deal with her so they laid it all in your lap. Not at all cool to do to You.
As long as you continue to be her knight in shiny armor NOTHING will ever change. Think long and hard about that Ricky.
By continuing to be her provider you are enabling her to continue her ways. It's a nasty vicious circle and very toxic.
I've been there and done that. After years, I walked away for my own sanity and well being. Was it hard to do? Yeah because it was my Mom and No because I knew in my gut this was the best for All.
If/when you do that she will kick, scream and act out big time, so be it. Let it be. What she does is on her, not you. Don't fall for ridiculous guilt trips, they are not real, we create them.
Dealing with a parent who is like that is very rough and it WILL take a toll on you, eventually.
You Mom needs to learn how to live her Life and be responsible for herself, all by herself. Perhaps you should consider putting your Mom in a mental health facility. We did that with mine, more than once.
I hope that helps buddy.