The Funny Pages
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I have been lol the past half hour - thank you everyone!Groucho really had some great lines, thank you Ron, and more Mae West - love that gal!
When I'm good, I'm very good. When I'm bad, I'm even better-Mae West
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What's the difference between a Big-city zoo and a Hillbilly zoo?
On the cage in a city zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin.
A Hillbilly zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.
On the cage in a city zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin.
A Hillbilly zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.
A blonde and a brunette are walking along a sidewalk.
The brunettes says "Awwww, a dead birdie!"
The blonde looks up into the trees and says "Where?"
The brunettes says "Awwww, a dead birdie!"
The blonde looks up into the trees and says "Where?"
A city slicker came upon two country folk balancing a long piece of lumber vertically on the ground, while a third fellow with a measuring tape climbed up on the lumber.
“What are you doing?”, asked the urbanite. “We are trying to measure this piece of wood,” replied the country cousin.
“Why not lay it down and measure it?,” asked the city fellow.
Nope,” replied the country boy. “That won’t do it! We want the height, not the length!”
“What are you doing?”, asked the urbanite. “We are trying to measure this piece of wood,” replied the country cousin.
“Why not lay it down and measure it?,” asked the city fellow.
Nope,” replied the country boy. “That won’t do it! We want the height, not the length!”
I can't imagine anybody who hasn't heard this before, but who knows?
'Cause I'm a Blonde. Julie Brown.
'Cause I'm A Blonde - Julie Brown - YouTube
Best lines:
I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA.
But my goal is to be a veterinarian because I love children.
'Cause I'm a Blonde. Julie Brown.
'Cause I'm A Blonde - Julie Brown - YouTube
Best lines:
I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA.
But my goal is to be a veterinarian because I love children.
ThreadKiller" data-source="post: 5552458" class="bbCodeBlock bbCodeBlock--expandable bbCodeBlock--quote js-expandWatch">ThreadKiller said:
Bahahahahaha!!!!
A man is walking along a street when he sees an old man sitting on the curb crying his eyes out. The guy must've been pushing 90 yrs old.
"What's the matter, old timer?"
Barely able to compose himself, the old man tells his story.
"I have a million dollar home, 10,000 square feet! Maids, butlers and a chaffeur are ready to grant my every wish.
I've got so much money, even Bill Gates is jealous.
And on top of that, I'm married to last year's Miss Universe runner-up. She makes every man drool when she walks down the street. She's so hot for me, she rips my clothes off whenever I walk in the door.
"Wow, old man, that's a fantastic life! Why are you sitting here crying?"
Breaking down again, the old man screams "I can't remember where I live!!"
"What's the matter, old timer?"
Barely able to compose himself, the old man tells his story.
"I have a million dollar home, 10,000 square feet! Maids, butlers and a chaffeur are ready to grant my every wish.
I've got so much money, even Bill Gates is jealous.
And on top of that, I'm married to last year's Miss Universe runner-up. She makes every man drool when she walks down the street. She's so hot for me, she rips my clothes off whenever I walk in the door.
"Wow, old man, that's a fantastic life! Why are you sitting here crying?"
Breaking down again, the old man screams "I can't remember where I live!!"
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
- Steven Wright
- Steven Wright
For the ladies...
Why do so many women fake orgasms?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
Why do so many women fake orgasms?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
What's the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you use a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken.
Kinky is when you use a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken.
Lifeguard: I've been watching you, Mr. Jones, and you'll have to stop urinating in the pool.
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool!
Lifeguard: From the diving board?
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool!
Lifeguard: From the diving board?
A guy is on a trip on a small airline. The stewardess says, "Would you like dinner?"
He says, "What are my choices?"
She says, "Yes or no."
He says, "What are my choices?"
She says, "Yes or no."
How can you tell which bottle contains the PMS medicine?
It's the one with bite marks on the cap.
It's the one with bite marks on the cap.
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