Well since oil fell, companies noticed that they're making more money since they have less fuel costs. That's no reason to not make more money right? Like... who's gunna notice?
I think I posted this before...
Dear Mr. Unknown Blogger,
I heat my home with oil and to save a few bucks I clean our furnace by myself. Since oil is so expensive these days I'd like to know if it's possible to reclaim a few drops I spilled while cleaning it.
Dear Mr. Stupid,
First of all, if you do spill oil anywhere you should realize that you must immediately report it to the EPA. (Environmental Protection Agency - Mental being the operative word here) Dialing 911 is perfectly acceptable here. They will cheerfully come out to your home (in proper attire, sirens blaring, coffee cups in hand) and help you get rid of any drops you have carelessly spilled for a nominal fee (Only a few thousand dollars per man, per drop, generally a 35 man* minimum, or the amount of people they can cram into your home and still continue to breath. Whichever is greater.). Also, you must keep track of exactly how many drops were spilled to report to the oil companies so that they can adjust their prices accordingly. Usually the gas pumps nationwide, as a rule of thumb, show approximately a one penny increase per drop lost by a homeowner. (Obviously it depends on the size of the drop as well, so you need to report whether it was big drops or little drops.) Of course, if you do manage to reclaim it, there is no price reduction. Sadly, they regret that they forgot to put a reverse on the signs. They are vigorously investigating the oversight and give their word that within 400 years it will be corrected. Probably. (aka maybe, but don't hold your breath in oil company legalese)
*Note. It should be noted that the men may be replaced with women, however, due to sexual harrassment laws the genders may NOT be mixed in a situation such as this. Also, please note that if the correct amount of (if chosen) women (since there are less women in this field) cannot be made immediately available, your home will be quarantined until they can produce the amount required. Generally not more than a 5 year waiting period. This can be, of course, to your advantage because as people age, they get fatter. Therefore the cost per person to you is reduced if you go over the 35 woman (in this case) minimum.
Not my radio....or my car. Haven't a clue if it was a disc or a radio station...
