Older Folks and Vaping Back Porch - Part Three

[Kprthevapr]

I would like to apologize to anyone who watched the video in the link I posted. It seems none of us here are old enough to hear people use cuss words. So if I offended anyone, I'm sorry

 

[2legsshrt]

I for one am really offended had to go to confession today and the priest made me do 5 extra Our Fathers and Hail Marys. Terrible. I have never heard or used such fowl language in my life. LMAO don't even know if I can put that. Sometimes its amazing what Reformed Whores, what we used to call them at work do.

 

[clnire]

I would like to apologize to anyone who watched the video in the link I posted. It seems none of us here are old enough to hear people use cuss words. So if I offended anyone, I'm sorry

I enjoyed it even if I could not understand some of the words

 

[2legsshrt]

I thought it was great when I saw it over a year ago. Oh well I guess the moderators are just protecting us from ourselves. Sort of like the politicians with vaping regs.

 

[Kprthevapr]

Ima stay on da back porch so I don't git in trubble lol
I sometimes let my mouff overload my A##
And in real life I cuss like a sailor cuz I used to be one! Now I'm a landlubber!!!

 

[2legsshrt]

NOOOOOOO I would never do that.

 

[Kprthevapr]

I knew they put a dawg house on the back porch for somebody, just didn't know it would be fer me

 

[2legsshrt]

Wow I just had a brain storm. I could go alot more places if I could take my Power Chair. I can walk but have to rest after about a football field. If I had my chair and a rickshaw for my wife cause she couldn't keep up I could get around pretty good. Well a football field might be a little too much close though.

 

[2legsshrt]

What am I doing? Turn Left punch it Turn Left punch it

 

[bigbells]

What am I doing? Turn Left punch it Turn Left punch it

You're not driving at LeMans.

 

[Debadoo]

Don't make me get up and organize your bookmarks! ~> http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/fo...posts-do-i-need-titles-signature-banners.html

You can organize em??? Gotta look up how to do that!! Well, at least it's in there now. Hey I'm just learning how to do bookmarks in chrome....will get around to organizing them later.

Grilled buns?

When my mother passed - we found money sewn into cuff of pants, liners of jackets, etc. Never large amounts - $10 here - $20 there, but as we dispersed her belongings over the years we had to check every piece first...

Wow, now that's hard core!

If nothing else, it's been cathartic for me to tell the tale.

Wow......my kudos to you also for sharing that with us and for all the work you've done on it! Yes, you may have been sitting there in a brace, but it was work for you also to be able to get yourself into a position to part with so much!

my dear wife will not let me buy any more tools until I prove I don't already have one.

loved this part!!! 15 of em huh

Well I got an email from my new PCP I was trying to get the results of the new CT they did compared to the VA. All she said was the way they will proceed depends on my smoking history. That's easy smoked a pack a day or more since I was 17 till I had to have open heart surgery when I was 62. 45 years or 3/4 of my life heavy smoking. I'm not sure what she means by the way we will proceed. Probably just take me out back and shoot me.

Keep us posted hun! When will you talk to the doc who did it for results, and more info?

I would like to apologize to anyone who watched the video in the link I posted. It seems none of us here are old enough to hear people use cuss words. So if I offended anyone, I'm sorry

huh?? Was this the legalvape one? Did you seriously get in trouble for that? Wow. I've seen a lot of vids posted on here that have a lot of cuss words. I'd seen that one so didn't re-watch it, been awhile since I've seen it, but found nothing offensive about it. Hope ya don't relegate yourself to the FP

What am I doing? Turn Left punch it Turn Left punch it

Nascar Boxing??? hehehe

 

[3mg Meniere]

Punch the accelerator (gas). Common motorsports term.

 

[Kprthevapr]

It got taken down on the front porch lol
So I apologized here too in case anybody got offended.
I really don't like the words I'm sorry! It's overrated lol

 

[Rickajho]

I'm a partially recovered hoarder. Telling anyone about my problem was really difficult, but it was necessary. I had to forgive myself for letting things get so out of hand, and the only way to do that was to talk about it with people who loved me. Still, years passed in between being able to talk about it and getting anything done about it. The clutter was too overwhelming for me to even be able to start working on it. I wasn't willing to hire anyone to help me with it, because I couldn't let anyone see what a wreck the place was.

Wow. Thank you for sharing that. And thank yourself for being able to be honest about it - that took nerve to share.

This is the impossible part right now: admitting there is a problem. As it is, I'm working on moving out as the person is using me as the excuse for the condition of the place. ("Oh! He's moving in here - that's why there is stuff everywhere...") No.

Truth be told: I never really moved in with her - I never could. She never could give up a space in the house for me. Emptying a single closet for clothes? (Let alone giving up an entire room.) Could not make that happen. Remember what I said a few posts back about hoarders not allowing other people in the home their own space and needing to take it over? That. From: International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) - Hoarding Center

Not only do people who hoard often claim parts of the home that are for other family members, but the control of how that space is used or what items should be thrown away is often up to them. Family members aren’t allowed to make decisions, which leads to feelings that family members are living in someone else’s home, causing discomfort and disrespect. They no longer have the ability to decide the way in which they live and their power is stripped from them. They feel vulnerable and unstable.

We had a big blowout over that issue last week - going through my personal belongings and stuffing them in "her" places all over the home that I walked out for three days. Didn't ask, just pulled an OCD fit and went through my belongings when I wasn't home - while ignoring the mountains of her stuff that could use some attention. I insisted she return the stuff to my limited space in the house - she refused. (A hoarder cannot see they shouldn't do that, let alone see that it is actually a problem and a source of stress for others when they do it.) I'm back but... haven't spoken in a week. I can't honestly tell if the reason why we haven't spoken is because (from the same reference):

According to Grisham, Steketee, and Frost (2008), those who hoard often have poor insight and display a disorganized, tangential, or detached style of interaction, having difficulty with perspective-taking. They have problems relating to both others’ and their own emotions, but an excessive attachment to possessions, making it difficult to maintain interpersonal relationships. This possible social impairment may also be due to a high association with Personality (Axis II) disorders. In fact, they may be making up for poor social skills by attaching to possessions instead of people.

So she may be too embarrassed to talk about it. Or to the other extreme she may not even "see" that a problem happened and is accepting the current status quo as somehow normal or acceptable. In other words: "What's to talk about?"

Obviously the hoarding problem didn't just suddenly appear, but as it has got worse over 25+ years. I have had the sense that the real person behind the hoarding has just faded away in the process. Conversation has slid over time to being topical and superficial - "not real".

And there we are stuck with my opening question: How to broach the subject and get through? Dave, you were really fortunate that you had your own realization and became aware. I fear that from what is known of the disorder that is a really rare exception. In the last week I have resorted to this even, to try and start a conversation:

I mentioned she is saving plastic deli and take-out containers. Over the last several days:

She puts a 'new' take-out container in the dishwasher.

I remove it and put it in recycling.

She removes it from recycling, washes it, and puts it in the drying rack.

I put it back in recycling.​

Not saying a word, (well we aren't speaking right now anyway) not making a fuss. I'm just trying to see if this in any way registers with her, the process she is going through. Is there still some part of her brain that will connect with this behavior and say "What the hell am I doing????" Depending on where that container finally lands by trash day may determine whether a conversation about the behavior can be had right now - or not.

Thanks for just allowing me the space to get this out. I know it's kind of a buzzkill topic, alas it's a very real thing and seems to be more prevalent with us old farts than in the younger population.

 

[Kprthevapr]

Not to sound rude, but is she on any kind of medication? Maybe something's going on in her head that might require a doctors attention. How long has she been like this? It could be something learned at home in her younger years. Sometimes with bigger families it starts with hoarding food. Does she come from a big family? It could be something curable

 

[Rickajho]

Wow I just had a brain storm. I could go alot more places if I could take my Power Chair. I can walk but have to rest after about a football field. If I had my chair and a rickshaw for my wife cause she couldn't keep up I could get around pretty good. Well a football field might be a little too much close though.

Just tie an American Flyer to the back and tell her to hop in.

 

[bigbells]

my dear wife will not let me buy any more tools until I prove I don't already have one.

You can't prove a negative. I think she's got you there.

I think you should craftily renegotiate the terms so that Doree would have to prove that you DO have one before you're forbidden from buying. However, if she should find out one of your ECF buddies made the suggestion, it will turn out in retrospect that somebody hijacked my ECF account and posted this message.

Two things that I got under control in my current regime are plastic containers and sockets. I only keep two specific kinds of plastic containers, so they nest well in a stack. All other plastic containers go in the recycling bin.

My sockets and ratchets (and drill bits) go back in their plastic carrying cases as soon as I'm done using them. Major improvement in findability! I do have a small arsenal of spare sockets, seldom used, but they're (almost) all on the same storage shelf. I'm sure there are a few in various coffee cans or jars that I use for "small stuff".

 

[Rickajho]

Not to sound rude, but is she on any kind of medication? Maybe something's going on in her head that might require a doctors attention. How long has she been like this? It could be something learned at home in her younger years. Sometimes with bigger families it starts with hoarding food. Does she come from a big family? It could be something curable

Welp, like all of these situations it's a progressive thing that usually develops over decades. In her case those of us who have known her forever think it was triggered by the loss of a family member a long time ago. (1990) That seems to be the line in the sand where it got started. But you reach a point where the current situation is so out of context of the long ago trigger that the source - if it actually was the source - and where the behavior is at now practically have to be treated as independent problems/issues. From what I'm reading many times there is no clear cut trigger that starts the behavior.

Regardless, not admitting to a problem means not seeing a professional to assess anything in context of the problem. She may never get this turned around - and that would be sad.

 

[3mg Meniere]

It could be something learned at home in her younger years. Sometimes with bigger families it starts with hoarding food. Does she come from a big family?

More likely from abysmal poverty during the years of the Great Depression. That generation is dying off, now, though.

 

[Rickajho]

Wow I just had a brain storm. I could go alot more places if I could take my Power Chair. I can walk but have to rest after about a football field. If I had my chair and a rickshaw for my wife cause she couldn't keep up I could get around pretty good. Well a football field might be a little too much close though.

What am I doing? Turn Left punch it Turn Left punch it

Wrecking the walls with a broken power chair?