Actually,
@redeuce , I had very little interest in rehashing old wounds, LOL. I just put most of mine to the side. I think it's something my mom felt compelled to do, the only thing I really wanted was a coherent ending to my book, but I knew it was unlikely to happen.
That's kinda why I didn't get into any past anything with my mom and just tried to let her have a good time. If "Hajj" made her feel the need to apologize, well, I don't have much control over that.
This was the most successful visit I have ever had with my mom, actually, so I'm a little disappointed to think it went "wrong." My goal is really just "lack of arguments." The one we had was over politics, not my deep dark past.
I do care about my parent, she's just very very controlling and it can be hard. I'm just glad it went as well as it did, and believe me if I had given her the "Let's just stay in the present" speech it would have been BAD. So, while I agree with you in principle, it's quite easy to say "what you and your mom should do," you don't actually KNOW my mom and what me and my mom "should" do (in my estimation) is "whatever she wants." It is quite rare for it to be what *I* necessarily want, and I just deal with it. I don't have much choice.
If you could see my husband right now, you'd get it. My mom is super difficult. I am FAR from easy, but my goal for every visit is for her to leave happy, not miserable. If I told her to shut up when she was doing her "Hajj" amends? Well, I'm in recovery and I know how HARD amends can be, so if she felt the need, I was not going to STOP her either. And I think it would have been disrespectful, it was a religious matter.
Sorry, I mostly agree with you and my dad and I have such a relationship. My mom is a bit of a challenge, but as not the easiest woman of all time myself, well, I get it (and try to do better.)
I can't walk a mile in my mom's shoes. I'm not going to disallow her making an amends for the past, EVER. She seriously thinks she may die, she is doing this with all her kids, and it's a religious matter.
Anna
