@NolaMel , you should watch Air Disasters!! On the Smithsonian channel. I did it as exposure therapy (like I am a nervous flyer but when I went to see my soon to be MIL our plane hit like this AIR POCKET and we crashed like 1500 kilometers DOWN (I may be off on numbers but people like made dents in the plane's head if they were not strapped in and whatnot. Blood, moans, concussions,,,, I ALWAYS wear my seat belt even when it's like "fine" so my head was not like, affected. Everything came crashing oud like from the overhead bins and crap and like, then the captain came on and was like "Well ladies and gentlemen I have been flying for 20 years and that has NEVER happened before." I was like, GREAT so he doesn't even know if the wings are gonna fall off someone needs to teach that pilot to REASSURE.
But then it was bumpy all the rest of the way, and like every type of "help rescue" vehicle was waiting on the tarmac. It sucked! If only that was the worst thing to happen on that trip, but NO, Soon to be ordained ex MIL minister handed out this form letter she had sent to everyone but ME and was like, not even "How are you" and it was all about how everyone was "praying" that like, "we got married before the event," like she even gave my ex her ring (possibly cash) to ask, but I as was like, NOPE we will do it with the breastfeeding BOOBS not the belly if we do it at all (this was wise OUTFIT wise but not overall) and I got really sick and missed the ordination but this bishop came down with a HAT LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE and a miter and he was like, "May I bless you and your unborn child" and I was in the basement almost entirely obscured by like cold medicines and tissues and I was like, ,"ID KANTH HURT I GUEESSSSSH."
Later (kinda too late the doctor implied) they took me to the ER and I almost got trach'd. Only I was like NO NO NO and it turned out to be this reoccurrence of this odd illness I had as a kid so we like figured it out. My doc was not happy when I was like, "Okay so I leave Saturday can I go skiing Friday like?" He was like, "But you are pregnant and ill" and I was like "I am a really good skier and have you met my soon to be MIL?" So he was like FINE and it was the BEST I even let the MIL baptize me and the kid first which I don't think was kosher but I was like, "Eh, it won't kill me. Not like almost dying over the Rockies then not getting to SKI." So yeah.
Don't watch AIR DISASTERS on the plane. I mean, unless it's going down and you think you might find out why. But it is tremendous for panic.
Don't get me wrong, I still need benzos but I can kind of loll there I don't' have to "discover" the next "Fifty Shades of Grey" to do it.
Had I known about this SLUSH pile I mighta sent you my book. LOL. But Air Disasters, it is the BEST. It's like that movie where the plane crashes and they eat the dead people and when the rescuers come the sign of "triumph" is the waving of a tiny little girl's red sneaker and you think, "This movie, while being awesome, sucks." But this is far more reality based, Live footage reenactments,, air plane mysteries all the things you had no idea could go wrong, going wrong. They end on an up note "This is how we made sure no more deaths happened THIS way, but life's you know, complicated so until next time, happy flying."
LOL maybe you should talk to a non internet therapist about it first. IDK how deep seated it is. Feel better.
Anna
Anna