Zaz, I looked at what you originally wrote from a totally different perspective than you did. But this is what I love about you, you always help me to think about things from a different perspective, which I truly appreciate.
Ok then, If I knew the person you described above, I would give him/her a huge but gentle loving hug and tell them I love them. I would listen to all they have to say with interest. And I would try to help them best that I am able. There is 1 thing, from above, that I would be able to help with immediately. However, I think we both know that they have to want that help though.
Delores and Frannie
, you both hit on the One thing we know well. The loss of a very near and dear loving spouse and all that went with that part of our lives. You both know I lost my wife 2 years ago. I can honestly say I don't love that part of my life, I mean a huge hole (for lack of a better word) was left, one that can never be filled. And IMO one that none of us will ever heal from because in all honestly there is no healing from it. We will carry our loss with us for our remaining days. Acceptance, for me, yes / but I understand for some, no.
I went through hell after her death, absolute hell. And Frannie, Delores, I know that each of you did as well. I too had to learn and relearn all sorts of stuff. Heck, truth be told, I am still learning. The biggest thing I've learned is to allow myself as much space as I need, whenever. And to be patient with myself through it all. I had no expectations, I mean how could I.
The weird thing, from my perspective, is that there are no guys who are willing to talk about the death of their wife. And I have learned to be 100% fine with that. The only people that I have been able to talk about it with are the older women I know who have been through the loss of their spouse. They say it like it is, with nothing held back. We share the same types of feelings. That's my deal, I emote and I don't hold back with any of my feelings. I allow them whatever they need and whenever they are in need.
I've experienced a great deal of death all throughout my life (parents, siblings, in-laws, relatives, friends, etc.). From my personal experience there is
nothing like the loss of a spouse. I would gladly take
any type of physical pain over that, any day. And Delores, you are as always, spot-on... people who have not had the experience of losing a spouse honestly have no clue. They can't. They do not understand, and they
cannot understand, because they do not know 1st hand our experience. Their expectations are unrealistic as a direct result. I don't communicate with my family about it simply because they lack the experience. They had that deer in the headlights look when I tried, which communicated all that I needed to know.
No, I don't love that part of my life but I don't have hatred for it either. It's not what any of us wanted but it is what came to each of us. And that sucks. My heart feels for both of you. I do love the rest of my life, it's good, and I do love that it is so. I work hard each and every day to make it the best I am able to. And I can certainly say, with all honesty, that my perspective on life has widened greatly, and continues to, as a direct result. It's a unique perspective I never had before, and for that I am grateful.
You two are both strong Ladies IMO, and I love that about you!
would use it.
