There's no bad time to join the rest of us here on the back porch. The more the merrier, right, Guys?
Older Folks and Vaping Back Porch - Part 2
- Thread starter MikeE3
- Start date
- th_trl_thread_readers 0
- Status
My dear legs,
Oh, how my heart aches for your bride's indecision and reluctance!
Having been there and done that, I've never regretted being bedside for loved ones in their final moments. It's heart breaking, soul wrenching and lives with you forever. BUT, if nothing else, those events accentuate the fond memories! I never walked away asking if there was anything else I could do for them!
With my loved ones, I'd much rather be there and live with any discomfort than to battle doubts about not doing so!
TBH, when I've taken my furry friends in for their 'last visits', I never stuck around. That still kind of haunts me to this day. But in those cases, they were beyond what I would consider awareness.
I just hope that both of you can, following your guiding spirits, find peace with whatever decisions are made!!!
Love, hope and prayers out to you and yours...
Oh, how my heart aches for your bride's indecision and reluctance!
Having been there and done that, I've never regretted being bedside for loved ones in their final moments. It's heart breaking, soul wrenching and lives with you forever. BUT, if nothing else, those events accentuate the fond memories! I never walked away asking if there was anything else I could do for them!
With my loved ones, I'd much rather be there and live with any discomfort than to battle doubts about not doing so!
TBH, when I've taken my furry friends in for their 'last visits', I never stuck around. That still kind of haunts me to this day. But in those cases, they were beyond what I would consider awareness.
I just hope that both of you can, following your guiding spirits, find peace with whatever decisions are made!!!
Love, hope and prayers out to you and yours...
Jewels,
Almost giddy with your good news and multiple posts today!
<talk 'bout emotional swings!>
Almost giddy with your good news and multiple posts today!
<talk 'bout emotional swings!>
Oh no, no, no! Dearly as I love them all, we would normally not have more than two cats at once. The one in the top picture was our "accident" kitty. When I was having a lot of health problems we didn't get her mother (the second cat above) to the vet to be spayed soon enough. Luckily she only had one kitten, thus "Han" as in Solo. Han is our scaredy cat though. She is the one that it took weeks to get to come out and be moved from the farm house after the fire. My grandson has never seen her, because she hides when anyone else is in the house -- even with pictures he likes to tell us that she is really a figment of our imaginations.
And back to the serious topic, yes it is really hard to visit someone close who is very ill, but it really needs to be done. My daughter's grandfather was very ill with lung cancer (never smoked in his life, though) and she was saying that she didn't want to see him that way. She went anyhow, mostly to give her dad a ride, and when he died a month later she said that she was so glad to have had that last visit with him.
Last edited:
My dad was angry, real angry during his last days and refused visitors. He only allowed my mother to visit him. I was sitting in the office one afternoon thinking of him in the hospital and said - nuts to him, I'm going to the hospital. I just left work and headed to the hospital. I never did see him to say good-bye. He died before I got there. Then i was angry with him, then myself for listening to him and not ignoring his wishes. Not sure why i'm writing this other than to say - you can't be sure when/if you'll get to see someone again when they're real sick - so I'd say do it while you can.
I was with my Dad nearly 24/7 for 8 months, 2 weeks and 2 days of the last 8 months and 3 weeks of his life. Neither me nor any of my siblings, nor his SO was there when he died. It was not expected until he called all of us and told us, in coded words, that the time was nigh. I had been back home in NC for the first time in over 8 months when Dad made those calls, and Dad died within 12 hours of calling me.
Although I would have liked to be there, it would have been for me, not for Dad. He definitely chose to die when none of us were there with him. Dad made it clear in his phone call that he knew spiritually that ALL of us were with him.
I feel I have no business suggesting to someone else (particularly someone else who is not a member of the Forum and who would have to get the message from her spouse who IS a member of the Forum) what they should or shouldn't do. It's too personal a matter.
Although I would have liked to be there, it would have been for me, not for Dad. He definitely chose to die when none of us were there with him. Dad made it clear in his phone call that he knew spiritually that ALL of us were with him.
I feel I have no business suggesting to someone else (particularly someone else who is not a member of the Forum and who would have to get the message from her spouse who IS a member of the Forum) what they should or shouldn't do. It's too personal a matter.
Last edited:
I'm not sure anyone is suggesting things, but offering their personal experiences as food for thought.
I know I'll sometimes get stuck in a rut on something, and different viewpoints, whether I follow them or not, can help me focus on what I need to do.
I know I'll sometimes get stuck in a rut on something, and different viewpoints, whether I follow them or not, can help me focus on what I need to do.
Yes, I realize after the fact that I was being judgmental in a way that I did not intend to be. Many of you are FAR more skillful and personable than myself when expressing your heartfelt feelings, and those feelings are at least as valid as my own.
It just plain hurts when any of you is suffering.
It just plain hurts when any of you is suffering.
Last edited:
There is one thing I like about this place. We do get to talk about real life and death issues, honestly. Things that younger folk really haven't gotten many occasions to think about. I have had so many heart-wrenching issues in my life, there are many times I might seem cold-- but I get frequent reminders of experiences in my own life-- I feel deeply, but have difficulty getting them spelled out. Like this one:
I think it is better to visit, and experience those pains.
Life is 100% fatal. Life is real.
Just don't want to respond.
I think it is better to visit, and experience those pains.
Life is 100% fatal. Life is real.
Thank you, David! Excellent observation and statement.
Last edited:
I was living hundreds of miles away when my mother died. She had Alzheimer's and at that point was beyond being able to enjoy most of the usual things that I could have given her. I sent her a big arrangement of yellow flowers.
I know it sounds like a small thing. But, I know my mother and know that this was a really big thing to her.
I will be forever grateful for the fact that I had the money and the inspiration to find a way to make her feel loved one last time. She died about a week later.
I know it sounds like a small thing. But, I know my mother and know that this was a really big thing to her.
I will be forever grateful for the fact that I had the money and the inspiration to find a way to make her feel loved one last time. She died about a week later.
Love it
We have a little sign by the back door as you enter the house, it says'
"if you want the best seat in the house, move the cat"
Certainly didn’t mean to cause friction in here and the final decision is certainly an intensely personal one. The comment was strictly my humble but experienced opinion. I’ve known people who were, and still are, tormented by the “I should have…” I don’t want to see any of these individuals hurt by a cruel twist of fate that’s beyond their control and moving so quickly some may not be seeing straight.
My own experience was the opposite. When my grandfather became ill he forbad any of us grandchildren to visit him. He didn’t want us to see him frail, as it was explained to us. Frail? This man was a giant who saved hundreds, perhaps thousands of people during WWII.
We were hurt, we were angry, we were livid, we were never again allowed to see or talk to him despite our parents pleading with him. He didn’t respond to mail. He died eight months to a year later. No memorial service, no funeral, no burial plot, no headstone. One day he just removed himself from our lives and no amount of begging or crying changed that.
He did do the Neptune Society thing and since the grandchildren are all spread out along the west coast it does make it handy if we want to “talk” to him, have a good cry or simply flip him off for leaving without so much as a goodbye. We all still love him dearly but there is still lingering confusion and dismay at his decision.
I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone as it certainly was not my intention.
My own experience was the opposite. When my grandfather became ill he forbad any of us grandchildren to visit him. He didn’t want us to see him frail, as it was explained to us. Frail? This man was a giant who saved hundreds, perhaps thousands of people during WWII.
We were hurt, we were angry, we were livid, we were never again allowed to see or talk to him despite our parents pleading with him. He didn’t respond to mail. He died eight months to a year later. No memorial service, no funeral, no burial plot, no headstone. One day he just removed himself from our lives and no amount of begging or crying changed that.
He did do the Neptune Society thing and since the grandchildren are all spread out along the west coast it does make it handy if we want to “talk” to him, have a good cry or simply flip him off for leaving without so much as a goodbye. We all still love him dearly but there is still lingering confusion and dismay at his decision.
I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone as it certainly was not my intention.
2legs hasn't posted since telling us the bad news about his sister-in-law and the dilemma regarding going to see her. I hope everything is going as well as it can. We're thinking about you, friend!
From a guy that's seen his fair share of loss and regret ..
Where else can we share our triumphs and tribulations if not here? We all share many common roads, but never take the same entire route!
He has been posting in batches since he's been on da road. I'm sure he'll check in when he can.
We'll leave da light on fer him...
- Dec 18, 2013
- 2,946
- 56,640
- 79
As I said, flame, personal decisions vary. No idea why he did what he did but think about it. It takes a strong person to remove himself from the flock so his passing is less of a burden. If you don't want them to grieve... leave. Happens all the time in the animal world.
Just sayin'.
In the tribes of N. America, during times of war, and on the run, if an elderly individual could no longer keep up, he (or she) would simply stay behind. The white folk would condemn them for this, but would often kill the person waiting for death.
In a way, I personally lean toward "Remember me as I was, not as I ended up" .. the last months, days, hours can, in many cases, overshadow the life led .. I also tend to lean toward "If it's a hopeless situation, leave me on an unlimited Morphine drip and I'll take matters into my own hands" ..
No one can say with any degree of certainty how any of us would handle any particular scenario until we are actually faced with it .. to quote "Words are Wind" ..
Many would say "Life itself is hope" .. others would say "Let me check out on my own terms" .. some would say "I just don't want you to see me this way" .. who is right .. ?? They are all right, because at the end of the Day (pun intended), it's personal choice and perhaps the last personal choice .. Selfish .. ?? Maybe .. or just maybe selfless ..
All I ask of the Reaper is a quick and painless check out .. I made my peace a long time ago, I have no fear of the Great Beyond .. what I do have a fear of is a lingering, technology assisted demise, or a slow drift into the loss of a lifetime of memories, and the few folks I have left being subjected to that from a guy that spent his entire life being a robust, hang on for the ride, hard drinking, hard partying, raconteur .. and at the end, I want my ashes to be placed in a large rocket of fireworks and blasted into the Stratosphere al la Hunter S Thompson .. that's what I want folks to remember .. the rocket, not the frail man in a sickbed ..
No one can say with any degree of certainty how any of us would handle any particular scenario until we are actually faced with it .. to quote "Words are Wind" ..
Many would say "Life itself is hope" .. others would say "Let me check out on my own terms" .. some would say "I just don't want you to see me this way" .. who is right .. ?? They are all right, because at the end of the Day (pun intended), it's personal choice and perhaps the last personal choice .. Selfish .. ?? Maybe .. or just maybe selfless ..
All I ask of the Reaper is a quick and painless check out .. I made my peace a long time ago, I have no fear of the Great Beyond .. what I do have a fear of is a lingering, technology assisted demise, or a slow drift into the loss of a lifetime of memories, and the few folks I have left being subjected to that from a guy that spent his entire life being a robust, hang on for the ride, hard drinking, hard partying, raconteur .. and at the end, I want my ashes to be placed in a large rocket of fireworks and blasted into the Stratosphere al la Hunter S Thompson .. that's what I want folks to remember .. the rocket, not the frail man in a sickbed ..
- Status
Similar threads
