The Funny Pages
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If Imagine were replaced by Sgt. R. Lee Ermey
I SAID LISTEN UP NUBIES:
No I am not going to replace your Nano because you took 5 minutes to fill the darn thing and thats why it leaks.
Stop your whining about how your 78 only lasts 3 hours, when you are vaping it non stop with a ViVi Nova full of 100% VG Bubble Gum juice. Get an X3 son.
You say your Volt X2 is missing and you think the dog ate it? Wait until he poops it out, the juice will be fully steeped and taste fine. In the mean time, if his stomach blinks, recharge him. Ooh-rah
Do I understand correctly son, that you vaped a whole pack of RY4 cartos and don't like the flavor? Try Bobbas Bounty it seems the whole damn world loves Bobbas Bounty, and by the way who the hell is Bobba?
If I here the question Where Do I Start again everyone who vapes is going to give me 100 push ups. I told you Nubies to Buy a Volt and suck on it. Now do it!
Why are you all complaining so much! My customer service is GREAT ya hear that.
Now keep ordering at least $50.00 a week from SI - NO WHINING!
If Imagine were replaced by Sgt. R. Lee Ermey
I SAID LISTEN UP NUBIES:
No I am not going to replace your Nano because you took 5 minutes to fill the darn thing and thats why it leaks.
Stop your whining about how your 78 only lasts 3 hours, when you are vaping it non stop with a ViVi Nova full of 100% VG Bubble Gum juice. Get an X3 son.
You say your Volt X2 is missing and you think the dog ate it? Wait until he poops it out, the juice will be fully steeped and taste fine. In the mean time, if his stomach blinks, recharge him. Ooh-rah
Do I understand correctly son, that you vaped a whole pack of RY4 cartos and don't like the flavor? Try Bobbas Bounty it seems the whole damn world loves Bobbas Bounty, and by the way who the hell is Bobba?
If I here the question Where Do I Start again everyone who vapes is going to give me 100 push ups. I told you Nubies to Buy a Volt and suck on it. Now do it!
Why are you all complaining so much! My customer service is GREAT ya hear that.
Now keep ordering at least $50.00 a week from SI - NO WHINING!
A Smokless Image Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was vaping, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Imagine soon would be there.
The adults were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of T3s danced in their heads.
And ma puffin her Nano and I with my Volt ,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s jolt.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and fell on my ash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature E-Cig, and eight tinny reindeer.
With a little old driver, in such a contraption
I knew in a moment it must be St Imagine.
More rapid than eagles her coursers they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Nano! now, Carto! now, X2 and Vixen!
On, Cowboy! On, Clearo! on, on Freedom and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the walls!
Now dash away! Or I'll cut of your
!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With an cart full of e-cigs, and St Imagine too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard in my ear
The prancing and pawing of St. Imagine my dear.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Imagine came with a bound.
She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot,
And her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of E-Liquids she had flung on her back,
And she looked like a mad Vaper, just opening her pack.
Her eyes-how they twinkled! her dimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!
Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
Blowing billows of vapor, as white as the snow.
The stump of an X2 she held tight in her teeth,
And the vapor encircled her head like a wreath.
She had a cute little face and a smile that was not crass,
A figure like a goddess and a tight little 
!
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And filled all the stockings with SI goodies, then turned with a jerk.
And laying her finger aside of her nose,
And giving a nod, through the vapor she rose!
She sprang to her E-Cig, to her team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard her exclaim, ‘ere she drove out of sight,
"No More Analogs at all, and a Smokeless Image good-night!
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was vaping, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Imagine soon would be there.
The adults were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of T3s danced in their heads.
And ma puffin her Nano and I with my Volt ,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s jolt.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and fell on my ash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature E-Cig, and eight tinny reindeer.
With a little old driver, in such a contraption
I knew in a moment it must be St Imagine.
More rapid than eagles her coursers they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Nano! now, Carto! now, X2 and Vixen!
On, Cowboy! On, Clearo! on, on Freedom and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the walls!
Now dash away! Or I'll cut of your
!"As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With an cart full of e-cigs, and St Imagine too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard in my ear
The prancing and pawing of St. Imagine my dear.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Imagine came with a bound.
She was dressed all in fur, from her head to her foot,
And her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of E-Liquids she had flung on her back,
And she looked like a mad Vaper, just opening her pack.
Her eyes-how they twinkled! her dimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!
Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
Blowing billows of vapor, as white as the snow.
The stump of an X2 she held tight in her teeth,
And the vapor encircled her head like a wreath.
She had a cute little face and a smile that was not crass,
A figure like a goddess and a tight little
!She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And filled all the stockings with SI goodies, then turned with a jerk.
And laying her finger aside of her nose,
And giving a nod, through the vapor she rose!
She sprang to her E-Cig, to her team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard her exclaim, ‘ere she drove out of sight,
"No More Analogs at all, and a Smokeless Image good-night!
omg, Imagine is gonna laugh her little censored .... off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that was TOOOOOOOO FUNNY!
that was TOOOOOOOO FUNNY!
Ha!
Very creative!!
Thanks for the chuckle.....needed it today.
I am just pleased that so many of you got a laugh out of that, and I pray no one got offended especially our "Dear Imagine"
Another thought that entered my crazy brain this morning is that all of us after many years of smoking have suddenly found that the method by which to quit is to exchange our habit with an electronic pacifier called a VOLT.
oh.. and there's this one.. makes me laugh every time since my 80 year old dad uses a linux product
Puns for Educated Minds
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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