I’m curious, is Ken not working anymore?
Ken was here on a temporary job at the Honda Battery plant. I did not want him to return to work because GS Steel would have sent him to another state for a different job. I have since regretted that decision.
I honestly do not mind paying for us to eat and stuff because I enjoy it but the stuff I do not enjoy is the problem. I don't like the term "sugar mama" but I guess that is what I am. I know that is not good but I cannot hold it against him because my eyes are wide open. Is he using me? I do not feel like he is but I could be wrong. What do I know? I only know that I enjoy his company and he makes me laugh. I just am not sure I was ready to be in a relationship. I really do not know how due to lack of experience.
Boy, I sound like I am lying on a psychiatrist's couch! Sorry, this may have been too much information. I know I did not have to tell you this but I have always been an open book. I do not want anyone to worry about me though.
My cousin has stopped inviting us to go out to eat and she bluntly told me when her brother was here last weekend, that Ken was using me and they did not want to be around him. She even offered to tell him to leave. I told her I appreciated their concern but it was really my business and my eyes were open. Not sure what else I could have told her. I did not get mad but I will admit it hurt my feelings. I did not tell Ken because there is no need to hurt his feelings too. My life is quite a conundrum.
Well anyway, we have talked. One good thing is that I don't have a problem trying to explain my feelings and he is easy to talk to. If we decide to continue trying, he knows there are going to have to be changes, and getting a job is one of them. I should have found an older, established, retired man but I did not. So really, this is either a blessing or a lesson. I am not sure yet which one.
trying not to compare myself to you
You can't do that but I will tell you when I first decided to walk/exercise, I started just like you with shorter and slower walks. I always have joint discomfort with Fibromyalgia but it was much worse when I first started and at times, I was not sure I was going to be able to continue. Just listen to your body and do not get discouraged. I know, easier said than done.