Thoughts for this morning .. I'm sitting in a well appointed Hotel lobby, laptop breezing along, enjoying the tail end of the Morning Breakfast Buffet .. people watching and sipping a surprisingly good cup or
three of Lobby Coffee .. kids and their parents, many that came to town for the State Fair, some with the remnants of last nights face paint still clinging .. energetic and with all the promise of the Future in front of them .. I glance at a young Mother, she smiles at me ..
I'm on the cusp of some things .. so, I'm going to unload some baggage .. well, not really unload since you can never truly unload, but you can share with people that you care about .. and make no mistake, regardless, I always feel the love here ..
I am fast approaching my next birthday, September .. and, although I swore off birthdays, you can't avoid them since they are ingrained .. so, reflection begins, at least for me .. I don't like to talk age, since I believe it is irrelevant .. I am beyond 60 by far, yet below 80 if that at least gives you a ballpark ..
..
On this day, in 1995, a young man on a Harley crested a hill near Redding, CA, heading North on a crisp Northern California morning .. as he approached the apex, a truck in the opposite lane swerved into his lane and hit him full on .. the Police said he probably died instantly .. which, I guess is designed to be some sort of consolation .. my work, my general lifestyle, my refusal to cater to his Mother (my Ex) .. had essentially estranged me for 10 years .. my fault, I took the easy way and just put no effort into maintaining any sort of relationship .. "My Child Arrived Just the Other Day, He Came to The World in the Usual Way .. " ..
When I finally got the news, the funeral had taken place, so not even a hint of closure to be had .. not that there would have been closure, I mean, how can you close on that .. ?? I flew out to California soon after, got the exact location and rented a car, driving out to the spot .. I parked off to the side, got out and walked down the rise some .. I saw the skid lines, I could basically reconstruct in my head the scenario, and I cried .. did I cry for him or was I crying for me .. ?? I don't know, I'd hope I was crying for both of us .. I gathered up a small jar of dirt, which sits on a shelf as a reminder ..
Many of us are defined by pain .. not the physical pain, but the mental pain .. we are who we are, the core generally stays the same .. I don't share this story lightly, and I very, very rarely speak of it .. I tell it now because I will always believe in what's built here .. and to say thanks to the many of you that have opened up your hearts and shared your pain since we started this Journey .. so, no matter what the Future may hold, know that I very much hold dear this Rare and Amazing Place .. where by some simple twist of fate, we connected ..
