Older Folks and Vaping Back Porch - Part Seven
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Me too. I can't vape tobacco flavors so this really has me on edge.
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I did use mostly tobacco vapes when I made the switch, but mostly just use those flavors in small amounts to others, now. Seems, in some cases, to add a little body, or "depth" to the mix.
When I first began vaping I really wanted to use tobacco's, & fruits. It was just a no go for me. I think I was wanting an actual cigarette taste, having just quit. But vaping was so satisfying that that went away. 5 years later I can still only use a bourbon custard. So that's what I make. I'll occasionally crave a strawberry or coffee, but so seldom that I don't bother buying or mixing much of those.
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As promised on the Front porch here is as simple of a breakdown as I can manage of what has been going on since I last posted a year and half ago. There were details I omitted then and occurrences since then etc.
Shortly before Christmas 2017 I suddenly couldn't get a hold of my mother. Which was really unusual a situation and was particularly unusual because I had got the notification that her Christmas present had been delivered. She would ALWAYS call and let me know she got it usually on my birthday (Dec 23). When Christmas came and went I was in an absolute panic and started frantically calling relatives to see if anything was known.
When I finally caught up to my cousin who lives there in the same city as mom I was finally told mom was in hospice care and it was just a matter of time. I was told not to go there. Mom wanted no one around and I would just upset her. Mom and I had a rocky relationship. I loved her desperately but our personalities clashed badly. Meanwhile I was stuck here anyways having gotten sick so no way I could make the 1500 mile drive (not to mention a car that probably couldn't make it). Now I mention all this because it is important that it be understood my ONLY info was what I was getting from my cousin.
A week later an Aunt on my dad's side called me and filled in some details. Apparently Mom was starving herself to death. Because of legal instructions mom had set up the only person who could act to stop it was you guessed it the cousin. The cousin was also the executor of the will and my Aunt was warning me to expect things to get very messy and see if there was anything I could do legally for Mom.
I started hunting down what I could do. As it turns out not too damn much. My parents never liked or trusted my husband and took extreme steps to make sure I was powerless in everything fearing HE would be in control not me. My first marriage was abusive the steps were put in place then and never removed when I married without their approval the second time. Mom used to call my friends and tell them to convince me to divorce "that black cripple" and go back to my first husband. So I ended up sitting on the sidelines waiting for the inevitable.
Then the cousin calls. I guess she got a case of the guilts. She is asking ME if she should have done more while telling me it was so far along now there was nothing to do. Yeah um. I was not a nice kitty about it. I regret to inform you all I did not use Ladylike language. Especially when the cousin informed me that maybe if I had been a better daughter mom would not have decided to do this.
The inevitable came and we lost mom in Feb 2018. I was informed there would be no funeral and her body had already been donated to science. So I was denied even that closure.
Then came all the crap and infighting over her estate. One side of the family not trusting the other about the will and all kinds of BS. Lawyers were involved and it got ugly. It took the better part of 2018 before it was all settled. I ended up with the family pictures, and embroidery I had done for mom and enough of a nestegg for us to replace the car and for me to finally get my teeth fixed (hopefully this Christmas break).
Given my anxiety issues. You can imagine what all of this did to me. Add in the guilt of never really being sure if this was my fault or if I could have done more to stop it.
I walked away from all forums and social media frankly because I just couldn't take the stress and drama that so often happens on them. I concentrated on fixing me which is still a work in progress but I am doing much better now. Dropped 98 pounds (still have 50 to lose) and my health has improved. Took up a couple of non computer hobbies. Slowly putting myself back together again.
So there you go to hell and back purple kitty style
Shortly before Christmas 2017 I suddenly couldn't get a hold of my mother. Which was really unusual a situation and was particularly unusual because I had got the notification that her Christmas present had been delivered. She would ALWAYS call and let me know she got it usually on my birthday (Dec 23). When Christmas came and went I was in an absolute panic and started frantically calling relatives to see if anything was known.
When I finally caught up to my cousin who lives there in the same city as mom I was finally told mom was in hospice care and it was just a matter of time. I was told not to go there. Mom wanted no one around and I would just upset her. Mom and I had a rocky relationship. I loved her desperately but our personalities clashed badly. Meanwhile I was stuck here anyways having gotten sick so no way I could make the 1500 mile drive (not to mention a car that probably couldn't make it). Now I mention all this because it is important that it be understood my ONLY info was what I was getting from my cousin.
A week later an Aunt on my dad's side called me and filled in some details. Apparently Mom was starving herself to death. Because of legal instructions mom had set up the only person who could act to stop it was you guessed it the cousin. The cousin was also the executor of the will and my Aunt was warning me to expect things to get very messy and see if there was anything I could do legally for Mom.
I started hunting down what I could do. As it turns out not too damn much. My parents never liked or trusted my husband and took extreme steps to make sure I was powerless in everything fearing HE would be in control not me. My first marriage was abusive the steps were put in place then and never removed when I married without their approval the second time. Mom used to call my friends and tell them to convince me to divorce "that black cripple" and go back to my first husband. So I ended up sitting on the sidelines waiting for the inevitable.
Then the cousin calls. I guess she got a case of the guilts. She is asking ME if she should have done more while telling me it was so far along now there was nothing to do. Yeah um. I was not a nice kitty about it. I regret to inform you all I did not use Ladylike language. Especially when the cousin informed me that maybe if I had been a better daughter mom would not have decided to do this.
The inevitable came and we lost mom in Feb 2018. I was informed there would be no funeral and her body had already been donated to science. So I was denied even that closure.
Then came all the crap and infighting over her estate. One side of the family not trusting the other about the will and all kinds of BS. Lawyers were involved and it got ugly. It took the better part of 2018 before it was all settled. I ended up with the family pictures, and embroidery I had done for mom and enough of a nestegg for us to replace the car and for me to finally get my teeth fixed (hopefully this Christmas break).
Given my anxiety issues. You can imagine what all of this did to me. Add in the guilt of never really being sure if this was my fault or if I could have done more to stop it.
I walked away from all forums and social media frankly because I just couldn't take the stress and drama that so often happens on them. I concentrated on fixing me which is still a work in progress but I am doing much better now. Dropped 98 pounds (still have 50 to lose) and my health has improved. Took up a couple of non computer hobbies. Slowly putting myself back together again.
So there you go to hell and back purple kitty style
Edit: If no one takes anything else from all of this PLEASE make sure multiple people know what your final wishes actually are. So much pain could have been avoided.
Myrany, a rough 18 months, but better as a result. Seems like that is the way it usually happens. All the best. Hope you stick around. Sometimes a vacation from electronic media is necessary.
Positive thoughts for you, Myrany. My story is a bit similar to yours. It does take some time to get through it.
Probably wasn't very gentlemanly language, either, and imo completely justified.
I have a hard time understanding why so many get so greedy, although my MIL, who passed this last March at 96, put a "no contest" in her will - anybody complains, they get zip. Guess she was fully aware of how greedy and ugly it could get, so put in her will to stop that.
It's the getting back that's all that counts.
Awww Thanks Mike.
I will just curl my Kitty self up on that nice big cushion in the sun patch on the porch.
The sad part is being the only kid and adopted at that I sorta ended up monkey in the middle and a pariah all at the same time to BOTH sides. Not sure if any fences will be mended in the end but I am frankly not worrying about it. It will happen or it won't.
I really am doing fairly well now. I have my moments when it all creeps up on me but most of the time things are ok.
@Myranny, I don't post much but always read. Your story is truly heartbreaking, but I am so glad you grabbed "the bull by the horns" and are fighting back. Congratulations on the weight loss, that is awesome. Keep up the positive healing and we are here for you.
{{{{Myrany}}}} I'm so sorry all this ugliness happened. We've had some in our family too and I'll never understand how some people think and act like they do. It sounds like you're making some good decisions for yourself and I admire you for that. There are some things that you just can't control so don't beat yourself up over it. Congratulations on the weight loss!! Woohoo!
Sounds like your MIL was a wise woman! It's always amazed me how weird people can get when there's a death in the family. Even from people who weren't weird before.
Ok to head this off at the pass as I have had a couple of people get a hold of me privately to ask.
The wight loss was over the space of a year, under doctor's supervision and accomplished with weight watchers and MANY miles of walking.
So it wasn't my emotions causing it and I was not on some crazy fad diet
The wight loss was over the space of a year, under doctor's supervision and accomplished with weight watchers and MANY miles of walking.
So it wasn't my emotions causing it and I was not on some crazy fad diet
Oh Myrany, I hate that you went through all that. It's just so sad. No wonder you withdrew so far. I'm glad some good came your way in spite of the way it came. And I'm glad your husband is there with you & you aren't alone. Be well, be blessed, & stay with us!
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