Anyone who got any bright words today?
I'm beginning to see and hear things which aren't really there. I'm overthinking everything. I struggle with even basic communication with people I don't know, especially people with a "higher power" (f.ex hospital workers, doctors, public service, teachers..). When speaking to people I don't know really well, I struggle speaking loud enough, feel like I have to scream so they can hear, I struggle finding even simple words. I have problems deciding for myself, and struggle in finding joy. I get no compassion/empathy to other people any longer. I feel like everyone is looking at me, judging me even though I know they aren't, oversensitive to rejections. Together with being depressed, all this pressure it's a wonder I'm not totally broken down. Writing this with a "lump" in my stomach and chest.
I talk to the psychologist, but I struggle even talking with her. I have problems talking about myself and can't find words for how I feel. And I've went to several over the past years, but I've always ended up switching or stopping going as I feel they're not helping, only judging in the end, even though I look back at it and can then see that they weren't! Had a really difficult childhood, and then pushed right into a difficult adulthood. And I can't even speak for myself.